Being Vulnerable

Are you scared of the boogie man? Are you scared of bad people? Probably. Most of us are. But more than anything? We are scared of our feelings. Or at least this is what I am seeing so much of lately with clients. A fear of the feels. A fear of actually being vulnerable enough to go there and dig into them. My friend? You are not alone.

This is something that I used to struggle with all the time!!! As soon as a feel came up that I was not overly comfortable with or didn’t want to face that day, I would reach for my phone, a sleep aid, tv, or some random activity that I knew would drown out the noise in my head. One day, I decided “what if I just let it happen!” I am not talking in an out of control way, but what if I just rumbled in that feeling and dug a little to see where it was coming from. Instead of just cutting the head off the weed, what if I tried to dig out the roots? While not easy, this was one of the most amazing things I taught myself to do.

Last Night for Example

I recently was lucky enough to score tickets to Beetlejuice on Broadway in New York. It was amazing and fabulous and an amazing show. It also triggered some major feels in me. It starts with a young girl who’s mom just died. She is then pretty much abandoned by her dad and his new fiancé and you can just imagine where it goes from there. While it had a happy ending, it triggered some MAJOR feels for me. Add to this, it was the day before Mothers Day. The most hated day of the year in my house. I can’t be a mom and I don’t have a mom therefore it is a hard day for me. And my mom while amazing? We didn’t have an amazing relationship and it is just a hard day. I always allow that weekend to be one of grieving and letting myself feel all those feels and this triggered it a little early for me.

Flooded with Emotions

I got back to the hotel that night quite late and had to sleep as we had a 4am wakeup happening! I woke up in tears at 2am flooded with all of the emotions. Instead of stopping them, grabbing something to distract myself, I laid there and let myself be sad. As I laid there, the tears flowed, I felt awful but then it passed and I felt ok again. No I didn’t sleep the rest of the night but I will be ok. When I did finally get up though, I didn’t feel like I needed to deal with it still. I had already done it. I had faced those demons when they showed up and for that? I am so proud of myself.

Face it Head On

What feelings do you need to face? What is the worst thing that could happen? Obviously make sure you have a safe place to do this in and someone around that you can lean on the first few times you do this if you think it will be major, but I challenge you. Face something.  Face it head on, let it wash over you and the calm to come after. I promise it is worth it.