#1 Step To Real Love: Loving Yourself!
“I love you” – Me
“No you don’t, but don’t worry! One day I am sure you will.” – Husband
What the hell? Ya, that is exactly what I was thinking.
In that moment, Husband and I had been married for only a short time and I had no idea what to say. The reality? Of course I loved him and it made me mad. One – because I did not know what he meant and two – because there was something inside that resonated with his words.
“Dawn, in order to love someone, you have to love yourself. And you don’t. It’s all good!” – Husband
Are you F@*$ing kidding me?
To say that I responded badly would be a (ehem) slight understatement. I pouted for longer than I care to admit – several months (don’t judge – I was young).
Y-e-a-r-s later the conversation went as follows:
“I love you” – Me
“Yup. You do.” – Chad
With his cheeky look, he gave me a giant smile and pulled me into his arms.
The point of this story is that until you can open yourself up, dig in deep, and fall in love with yourself, there will be no real love for someone else.
If you cannot love who you really are and see all the loveable bits of you, you won’t be able to share it.
I spent years hating myself. To me, I was unworthy, unlovable, and most cutting, unloved (Read more about my story here).
So when Husband would say, “I love you.” I would always question it in the back of my head. Not in a conscious way but it was always there.
I remember one day years later that he was saying something that he loved about me and I blurted out “Are you sure?” because I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t.
Another thought on Loving yourself:
If you put the ability to feel love on someone else, it gives them control of your emotions, which is mostly miserable.
Let me give you some examples: I am loved when someone buys me something, or says the right thing to me, or treats me a certain way.
The problem with this is that your feelings have no parameters. Instead of being an accessory of life, they are the logic and reason!
The positive is that other people can enable you to have great feelings of being loved, but on the other side those same people can produce great feelings of hurt and anger in you that overpower any beautiful feelings that were once there.
That is how I lived for many years which made true friendships and connections very difficult.
After I learned to fully love myself and didn’t constantly need it from others I was finally able to accept love from those around me without question.
Man alive I missed out on a lot of years!
Challenge For You
So my challenge to you today – LOVE YOURSELF. I know this is easier said than done, but what if you try?
Write a list of everything that you appreciate about yourself.
- Maybe you are a good cook
- you have a nice smile
- you are good at math
- it might be big deep stuff
- it might be small silly stuff
… who knows! But write it out.
Learn how to love yourself and how to feel worthy of someone else’s love.
You might just hear your partner say, “yup, you do.”