Dawn Taylor|12/19/2022

Transcript

Dawn Taylor: [00:00:09] Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to The Taylor Talks. I,okay, let's be really honest. This conversation today is going to be highly entertaining because my guest and I are a little bit ridiculous together when we are together in real life. And I can't imagine this will be any different. But today we have Miss Jesse Schewchuk, also known as Jesse Schewchuk, and she is a multi award winning television producer. She's the founder and CEO of this crazy, insane, thriving video training agency. If you've seen any of my ridiculous reels, it's probably because she's convinced me to do them. And she's been doing TV and producing and video for longer than you and I can imagine, before we even thought it was really a thing other than watching on an actual television. So today we are going to dive into a really crazy topic - and men, stick around because you need to hear this, too - but we are going to be digging into the topic of menopause and what we weren't taught from a standpoint of not having moms anymore because they've passed away. So just a warning for anyone listening, we will go inside a little bit of the loss of that and how that shifts our lives moving forward, what the men in our lives need to know in order to stay sane themselves, but also to help keep us sane, but also just the stuff that nobody actually talks about and we all act like isn't happening because we live in a weird, crazy, secretive world. So stick around. And at the end we will tell you how to get a hold of her, where to find her. She maybe has some cool shit up her sleeve that, I know I said a bad word, that involves all of this topic. So you totally want to stick around for that. Miss Jesse, welcome to the show.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:01:57] Thank you for having me.

Dawn Taylor: [00:01:58] You are so welcome. So what is the topic? What are we diving into today and what do you wish people talked about?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:02:05] We're going to, we're going to make the m-word mainstream. We're going to make the m- word mainstream. Talk about some menopause, so sexy and awesome.

Dawn Taylor: [00:02:18] And sweaty and hormonal.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:02:23] And itchy and brain foggy and and and... I don't even know who I am after this last year because it's, it is a much more of a wild ride than I think one could have even imagined. For some. For some.

Dawn Taylor: [00:02:41] Totally. So a little bit of a back story is Jesse and I both lost moms at a younger age, prior, probably I don't even know if it would be prior to them starting menopause, but prior to us knowing that they were starting menopause or any of the symptoms or any of the things. And let's dive into that a little bit. So how old were you when your mom passed away?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:03:09] So I passed away when...

Dawn Taylor: [00:03:11] Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was like, You're dead?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:03:14] Yeah. My mom passed away at 48 and I had just turned 24. I later discovered just even in the last year of my investigation that she had early symptoms of menopause in her late thirties prior to her chemo treatments. My mom had breast cancer. Of course, when she had treatments, it put it into hyperdrive. But early menopause is very normal for our family. I found out my grandma actually started around 38, 39, so late thirties.

Dawn Taylor: [00:03:48] Oh my goodness.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:03:49] Of course I wouldn't have known this. The only thing that was ever discussed or that I knew of about menopause is hot flashes, which are, which is in jest. Jokes are made about it, right? It's just like, oh, you know, somebody open a window. It's so much more. And I think that there are a lot of women suffering in silence. So I most definitely have not had my mom as a resource, nor did she talk about it, nor do many.

Dawn Taylor: [00:04:19] No, and they don't. So I was 28 when my mom passed away and she was 52. And yeah, like we joked about it, we joked about like, oh, mom's hot or mom's really grumpy today, but it was really not dealt with any different than like someone PMSing. It was almost held on that same vein as just the same as someone PMSing and nobody talked about it. And I know for me it started after a hysterectomy and I had a radical hysterectomy where everything got taken out and I went from like, No, I'm good, to like full blown menopause in under a week, like hot flashes, night sweats, crazy hormones, all of the emotions. And I was 34. And I remember sitting at a family thing with my husband's mom and I'm like, Oh, my word, my mother in law and I are going through this at the exact same time. And we were like comparing stories on it, but it still wasn't, it still never felt like this, like safe, open conversation that I could have.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:05:24] Yeah, I think that there's an embarrassment. When you think of menopause, you don't see women in a in a beautiful light when, how it's often painted. You think of them having extra weight, potentially sweating, unable to cope. And that's the picture that's painted, when what is really happening - and I'm in the process of learning and sponging of all of the information I possibly can so I can help myself - is a total reconfigure and rewiring of your brain. I mean, this is serious. This is very, this is intense stuff. And all of those side effects are a cause of that, a rewiring of your brain. When you think about that, when you think about that, there are only a few times in your life when you have that. Of course, as women particularly, we'll have that when we're born. You know, the wiring in those years, right? And there'll be that rewiring it again, or further wiring, in adolescence when you go through the hormones and it washes away, your brain basically shifts to anything that's not necessary or useful and you rewire or build on that wiring. And then we have menopause. It's just so much more than meets the eye.

Dawn Taylor: [00:06:50] Oh, so much more. I often remember when I was going through it at first - and, so funny, embarrassing story - at that point I owned a restaurant franchise and I'd get brought out for these crazy fancy dinners and hockey games and all these things. And I didn't understand what a hot flash really did to your body and how crazy you felt when you were having one. And I was sitting at this dinner with some very fancy-pants people that had flown in from Toronto to have this dinner with me. And I started having a hot flash. And I actually thought I was going to die because I wasn't dressed in proper layers. I didn't know how to manage it. I didn't know anything about supplements, like my doctor was a waste of time when it came to that, he was pretty much like, Nah, you can take some estrogen if you want, go about your day and enjoy. And I, this is so embarrassing and I can't believe I'm going to put this out there, I actually took a drink of my water, put the ice in my napkin, put it on my lap, and dropped the ice cubes on the floor. And I kicked my shoes and my socks off under the table in this like five star restaurant and was rubbing my feet on these ice cubes. And I kept doing it. And we're having like contract negotiation talks, it was this whole thing, and all of a sudden I just couldn't do it anymore. And I had a scarf on and I tried to take the scarf off and I got, like, flustered and it got caught in my hair and I got all like, you know how out of sorts you feel in those moments, right? Like you've lost complete control of your body. And this scarf came off and flung across the table and smacked this man across the face. And I was like trying to pull it back, and I'm dragging it through everyone's food. Like it was actually one of the most mortifying business moments in my entire life. And I remember just sitting there being like, They have no idea. Like, they have no idea. And what in holy hell is this feeling going on in my body right now? And how would, like how would you describe a hot flash? Because I know how I describe it.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:08:57] It's interesting because when you talk about that, the place that I go to is - not male bashing at all - it's that in business and I own my own business, you own your own business, but even business leaders, women, we need to deal with this layer under the surface that we're hiding or that we're trying to hide, sometimes not doing a very good job while doing business. And it's really impacted my world of doing business. And it actually brings up what my hot flashes are. So to answer your question, I don't get the hot body flashes. I will if I've had too much wine the night before, I'll get some of those, maybe through the night or the next day. But I don't really do that very often anymore, so I don't experience those. But I experience hot flashes in emotion, and my hot flashes are flashes of rage. And even when you started to talk about it, I started feeling angry because there's a bit of an unfairness or a misunderstanding and it's like, you don't have to deal with this because it is really a body takeover. It is the flipping of the lid. It is the lizard brain. I have tons of tools. I've done lots of work. But when I get my hot flash, which comes in emotion, it is a wave that is body takeover. It's possession of my everything. I don't feel like I can tap into my tools. I'm angry. I do feel warmer, definitely, but I don't feel emotionally regulated. And to an extreme, and to an extreme that I would feel - and the only thing I can compare to - is a bit of the teenage rage where you're just like, you're just angry, you're angry at the world and you don't really have a reason and everything's going good, but you're just angry. That's how my hot flashes come through. The heat comes in emotion.

Dawn Taylor: [00:10:47] Crazy. And like, nobody talks about this, nobody talks about the stuff. And I know, so you and I had a different topic for today, we were going to talk about something completely different, and as you've been dealing with this - and side note, Jesse and I are very, very dear friends - and as we've been talking about this behind the scenes, trying to figure out tools and trying to figure out how to manage it and having those conversations, I know, I've been there, like you'll get through this, right? It doesn't mean this isn't going to suck in the process, but like, here's the doctor you need to talk to. Here's a treatment you need to do kind of thing, right? We started talking about this and like, why? Why is no one discussing this? Why is this not a topic of conversation ever?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:11:34] Every day? And why is hormone therapy the only answer? So have you talked to your doctor? Are you on hormones? Are you? And it's like, no. You know, from what I understand, through my naturopath, I've gone into early menopause because of a family history and also due to stress. So trigger warning here, when things got really super bad for me, I was in a place of burnout again. Basically, my body had depleted itself of cortisol entirely, and so my adrenals were tapping into my sex hormones, which set my body off-balance hormonally. It reached a point in June of 2022 that I was in bed, not getting out of bed, crying, sobbing, sobbing relentlessly. This is not me. I'm a jump out of bed, take the day on kind of gal.

Dawn Taylor: [00:12:26] Oh, anyone who's met you, you're like the life of the party and the bubbly one in the room.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:12:30] Yeah, but my daughter, she was sitting on the side of the my bed and she said, Mummy, do I need to call someone? And that's when I was like, okay, this is, I need to get some answers. I need to get some answers because if I'm going through this, then somebody else is going through this. And I wasn't necessarily suicidal because I didn't want to go on, like things are good, there was, it was something totally different. It was the inability to, it was that takeover. It was that emotional takeover. And so that's when I really started to explore other avenues that were not just hormone therapy. And there are many, I'm so happy to say there are many. And again, if we talked about the stuff we're going through more, we would see the rise up of the remedies. And that's been IV therapy, hormone yoga, on and on and on, like the vitamins, minerals, like there's just there's lots of things that you can do.

Dawn Taylor: [00:13:34] I may have bullied you at one point to go for IV therapy.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:13:40] Yes. Yeah.

Dawn Taylor: [00:13:41] Like full on bullied you.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:13:45] Well, and I mean, I'm just grateful because, like I could to be in that dark of a place was mostly because what, all because my hormones were out of whack. It was just so out of whack. And that's the kinds of things that it can cause. And I think that there's knowledge and education around some of this stuff, including anxiety and depression. Is it, you know, could it be some early menopause? Could it be perimenopause that's causing some of this stuff? And oftentimes we go to an anti depressant, for example, which is another kind of remedy, which I'm very open to, and there's lots of reason for that. But wouldn't it be interesting if more study and more information was in and around the root of the connection to some of these things? And if we were to solve some of these other areas, service this, it could, as a result, help with some of these other side effects.

Dawn Taylor: [00:14:45] Oh, 100%. And it's interesting. So for a lot of people, they don't understand the cycles of menopause, and that was something I didn't understand, is there's perimenopause is like your pre-menopause, and that's when your body has stopped producing the estrogen. And now it's just slowly being absorbed out of your body. So any hormones that you've created and are stored in your body at that point. So weird side effect is when people go through it faster because it's the hormones are stored in your fat cells. So if you have a bit more weight on you, it actually is a nicer process, this is what I was told by a hormone specialist, but with that, it's the depletion of those hormones in your system and the last of them, like the remaining of them. So it starts this whole process of getting rid of them. But that is when you feel the worst is in perimenopause because your body is all of a sudden not producing in the same way. So all of a sudden, like, you age faster and your wrinkles are shifting faster and you get like weird skin on the back of your hands. And like, all of these things are shifting all at the same time. And I remember a doctor saying, like, you will go from youth hands to grandma hands in a matter of years. And that's all it is, is the lack of the collagen and the estrogen in your body. And that's what's going on. Right? And I was like, okay, but then as soon as all that estrogen is out of your system is when you actually go into menopause. And menopause is like kind of you're, like, okay, now I'm in menopause. And then that's a whole different thing. And then you have post-menopause, kind of when it's all done and now you're just old. Right, now you're just like your body is considered elderly, you've gone through menopause and now you're on the other side of it. But nobody ever described it that way. Nobody ever told me like, oh, hey, by the way, one of the side effects, by the way, of not having estrogen in your body is like you can have heart problems and osteoporosis and there's all these other things that could happen. So you need to like up your self care. You need to have some of these treatments and some of those things. And here I am, 34, trying to figure this out. And my body, because of its magical, I don't know, weirdness, my body doesn't accept hormone therapy. So they put me on scary doses of hormone therapy and did all the bloodwork and the urine samples and everything in my body would show up that I had no hormones. So for me, that was never an option. I tried for years and it wasn't an option. So when everyone around me is like, well Dawn, just go on hormone replacement therapy, it's fine. And I'm like, Yeah, dropping $700 a month right now to do hormone therapy and it's doing nothing. That's for I really had to go, Okay, what is this? How does this work? And then what alternative treatments can I do that might help?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:17:44] Definitely. I think that the thing that caught me off guard was the grieving of one's identity. And let me explain. So when your brain is rewired, you know, we talk about brain fog. We talk about a lack of ability to recall. I mean, I am a person that was, that does, I am a little bit OCD for sure. And I am particular and attention to details and on top of things. Right. And the memory, I would be able to remember names and phone numbers, like to this day I try to remember phone numbers still, try to utilize that part of the brain. What I found is like I was literally, I felt like I was losing my mind. And this is the part that people don't talk about. I felt like I was going crazy. And this is a common theme I'm hearing with women. This is the part that we don't, is we think it's only us. And I couldn't remember things. I couldn't recall things. I have a photographic memory and I would take notes and usually be able to see my words on the page to recall: didn't happen anymore. So what I'm going through right now is almost a grieving of an identity crisis because I'm not the person that I used to be. I can't achieve and deliver and execute the same way I used to be able to. That's loss. There's a loss there and a frustration that comes from just not being able to be who I, and I would almost set am, but was. That's not me anymore. And I'm likely not going to reclaim a lot of that back. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. And that's where I'm not the expert. I'm just definitely just the lived experience talking about this, but just encouraging folks to talk more about it because the crazy brains, I'm going to tell you, I literally some days feel like I'm losing my mind.

Dawn Taylor: [00:19:39] Oh, 100%. And oh, yeah, we're not doctors, don't listen to anything we're saying. Just, there's the warning. We're not doctors. But it's true. It is so true and so legit. I remember looking at my husband at times and I was like, I literally feel like there's an alien inside my brain. And he was like, What? And some of the things that we had to come up with in our house is, like, we have a code word and it's 'melting'. And melting is like I'm not emotionally handling myself right now and I'm not coping really well and I don't even know why. Like, I don't actually know why because this was the greatest day or life's going well or I just signed a good contract or whatever. It doesn't even matter. It was like all of these things are going really well and I could commit murder with no remorse, and I'm not sure why. And I'd always talk about it like that, where I was like, I literally feel like I'm an ice cube that's melting. And I'm like, But no, I'm still in the freezer. Like, why am I melting? Like, I should be fine.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:20:46] Actually, for men, it's so hard to understand because everything can be great and you're still experiencing these emotions. This is the hot flash, if you will for me. It's like, and so with men and partners, you can try and logic your way through that and go, But I don't get it, we're going to Mexico or...

Dawn Taylor: [00:21:06] There's no logic. There's no logic in a menopausal moment.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:21:13] And that's what kind of makes you feel like you're going crazy, too, because you go, Why? I shouldn't be feeling like this. And then you start with that self shame spiral. And that criticism is like, No, I shouldn't be feeling like this and I should just be happy. And why am I not just happy? And it's like because you're actually not in control of your body right now with your hormone shift and maybe you can go have that, or maybe it's time to make an appointment for an IV therapy or, and that's what I've really started to see are the signs and identify the triggers that bring some of that stuff on. But there are times when it's like, I don't know where, right?

Dawn Taylor: [00:21:54] It's like, I just have no idea what's happening right now. I often equated it to the Hulk. Like in the movies, like he's so calm and he's so peaceful and he's so loving and soft and gentle. And then out of nowhere, he's the Hulk and he destroys his entire world. And then he's like, naked and vulnerable and back to being all soft and gentle again. And nobody really knows what set him off in the first place. But in the times you need him to Hulk, he won't Hulk. And that's so much what it's like often in a menopause brain, at least I know for us. And so some tips I think... I think we need to give people some tips, honestly, on like what's worked for us. So for us, like, the melting has been amazing. So if I'm starting to feel it or he's, my husband, starting to experience it. And I mean, let's be honest, I've been going through this now for eight years. So I'm like, I'm an old pro at this it feels like at this point, but he'll look at me and go Melting? if I'm starting to just act a little bit irrational or my hormones are like, he can feel that I'm not really where I should be, or I'm arguing with him for no reason or I'm fighting for no reason, or I'm like lashing out or I'm angry for something for no reason. And he'll gently be like, Melting? And that's a code to be like, Oh, I need to shut up. Like, I need to actually shut my mouth because anything and everything that might come out of it is venom. And that's not actually going to benefit anybody in this moment. And in that I can go yes, or just nod. And he knows. He knows because we've discussed it, by the way, not during a melting moment, but we discussed it when I had a solid, clear brain years ago, because it will still happen a lot. But one of the things that he'll do is like we've already preemptively put a list of things in place of like, what could I need in that moment? So it's like, do you just need a big stair hug? And that's, because he's so much taller than me, I will stand on a step so that I'm equal height to him, or closer. So I'll actually, like, stand on a stair and, or on a little stool if we don't have stairs in a house at that point. And I need him to hug me, but I need him to hold me. Like I need to feel like he is holding all of my broken little parts and with his squeeze can somehow manage to put them back together. And typically that results in like a good solid 30 plus second hug. And sometimes I can't hug him back. I just need to stand there and have him just hold me, because then I can be like, okay, okay, I'm going to be okay. You're my rock. Problem with that, he's gone a lot.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:24:48] And I was going to say, yeah, and I don't live with my partner and so I don't, you don't have access. So what if you don't have access to that?

Dawn Taylor: [00:24:56] So when I don't have access to it, I will call him. If he's not available, I will personally go down my own list. And so one of the things I do is I do the infant check that I talk about in coaching all the time. Right? Is like we age to a certain point and then we revert backwards, which is why we end up like, needing diapers when we're old. And so I know I've joked with you about the infant check where it's like in that moment, have I eaten? Have I had something to drink? Are my clothes pinching me in weird spots? Have I gone to the bathroom? Right? Am I just really tired or do I need a nap? I will infant check myself. That's always my very, very first thing I do because those are five things that I can be in control of immediately. And often, that is a very, very powerful piece is at least two out of the five of those are out of whack and I can stop myself and take a deep breath. I also make sure I don't have extra caffeine in those moments. Because caffeine is known for increasing your anxiety feelings and all of those emotions, which just does not help the situation at all. So why would I put myself through that? So that's not the time to go have chocolate. That's not the time to go do any of those things with caffeine, because it's really not going to benefit me. So I always double check that. Another one that I do is I feel, I have weighted blankets, I have a heated mattress on my bed, things like that, because sometimes I just need to feel like I'm being held, right? And I need that. So I will just go like lay in my bed and just have a moment and allow my brain to do whatever crazy it needs to do. And so listen to music, listen to a podcast, do something that's not going to incite anger and rage. I'm not going to listen to, like, a political podcast or a relationship one where they're talking about a perfect relationship. You know, I'm not going to do that. I'm very much more like, No, no, no. I'm going to listen to really peaceful Christmas music right now. Because that is my head space and that's about all I can emotionally handle right now. But I do a few of those things. I always change my outfit when I'm feeling like that. Because there's something about a fresh outfit. Sometimes I'll even go and re-shower for the day, and it's a lot of these, like, little shifts, little changes that have worked incredibly well for me.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:27:09] Yeah, definitely. So it's funny because the little things that will trigger you, I find, when you're going through this, are different or more so than before. So some things that have definitely helped me were even changing my ringtone, whereas I have salsa cell ringtone that used to kind of make me laugh. It would... Yeah. Send me into anxiety and a little bit of anger, cause me to jump, right? So I would change that. Same with the alarm, getting up in the morning. I'm making sure that I'm making time for meditation, even if I'm not really in it or listening, like leading it or feeling it. I set my alarm clock to not be something that startles me or wakes me up in a panic. And then I do, even if it's just a ten minute meditation to just try and get into a better headspace. Because sometimes you can just wake up angry, sometimes you can just wake up agitated. And those are some things that definitely help get things shifted before even getting out of bed and having to tackle the day. Overall, it just feels like a capacity or an incapacity to handle as much as you once were able to. So whether that's through recall, whether that's through your skill set and the amount of work, but it's also through that emotional intelligence or capacities. And so sounds, like, of people in rooms, large rooms, I can only take those in doses. And I usually say to whoever I'm going with, if I'm going with somebody to an event, that there's a certain timeout or that it's agreed upon ahead of time that's the safe time if one is starting to feel those emotions. So I think you're right about just being aware that you are changed, allowing that change to occur, but then setting yourself up to win. So what are the things that you can shift and change in your own world that are in your own control to be easier on yourself? Something that you've shared with me is radical self-care, right? And when we think self care, it's the woman in the bathtub with a glass of wine. And while that is nice, radical self-care is not only that. It can be, I think it can be. I mean, it can be very real. But I found that radical self-care means that you're not signing up to as many networking events in a week that you normally would. And I had to learn this the hard way, where I was like raw and dead and unable to cope with life after, or you are going to bed at that certain time that you've said you're going to, so you're going to sleep at nine or 930 so that you're getting the hours that you can or need for your brain to rewire and making the hard choices. The radical self care, I find, is often the the tough choices that you don't want to make, the eating the salad, it's the nourishing the body, saying no to bad things because I find that one is just far more sensitive to everything. Everything.

Dawn Taylor: [00:30:23] Well, and with that is honoring yourself and your body and what it's going through. And sometimes you just actually don't have the capacity to do what people need you to do. And that's okay. It's giving yourself this different level of grace to be like, You know what? I'm transitioning right now. That sounds like the wrong wording, but you know what I mean? Like, I'm transitioning.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:30:50] I think it's great.

Dawn Taylor: [00:30:52] But it's like I'm transitioning into a new person. I'm transitioning, like my hormones are shifting and all of these things are shifting and all of these things are going on. But I'm also not 9 or 12 or 13 or 15 and going through this where all I have to do is go to school and I can cry hysterically into my pillow at night and all my friends are just going to complain about the cute boy at school that looked at me funny. And I can have these raging hormones. Like, that's a totally justified thing when you're a child or you're a kid or you're a teenager. Like that's allowed and it's accepted and people just laugh at it and they're like, No, no, no, it's okay. Give them grace. Yet somehow we're not allowed that or we aren't given that. And it's funny because as we're saying this, I can hear my husband's voice in the back of my head going, No, you're not asking for it. And if he listens to this, he's going to laugh that I've said that because that is a conversation that we have had, is the expectations that we put on ourselves, that we also have assumed that our partners are putting on us, that they're not, and that sometimes we have to explain what's going on and we need to talk about what's going on. And we need to just be like, you know what, I have crazy brain right now. Can we not, like we, I need you to stop this conversation in its tracks because this is not actually going to benefit anybody. And we're probably going to end up blowing up our entire lives over this.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:32:19] But I think the beginning of our conversation in awareness that, the things that aren't talked about in a household, on a personal level, in doctor's offices, I mean, just around the world, you know, half the population is going to go through this. It is monumental. It is menopause. How do we make this m-word mainstream? How do we get the word out and be able to have those conversations and know that with teenagers, like you said, if there is that parallel of some kind of life transition, when they're going through that, it's like you set parameters with they slam their door, you let them have their space, they'll come back around. You know.

Dawn Taylor: [00:33:01] There's like puberty parties, right? Literally, this is like the Pinterest mom thing, is it's like, welcome to womanhood. There's like this whole party that goes on like, we celebrate this, yet when we get old, we shut up.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:33:18] Yeah. And menopause is a celebration. And as much as there are side effects and such, you talk to the women who are on the other side of it and you are the elders now, you are the wisdom of our world, really. And you've gone through this rite of passage. I find, and I've heard and I am experiencing that all of the shit in your life that you have never dealt with--

Dawn Taylor: [00:33:45] --all comes up in menopause.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:33:46] You need to deal with it, probably because it's this beautiful rite of passage that when you get through the eye of the needle, only then are you on the other side where you're in that place of elder wisdom and being able to offer that advice because you've gone through that rite of passage. Yeah, we got to break open the conversations and make the m-word mainstream. That is definitely something that I am passionate about and I know, I just know there are so many women and men who are suffering in silence. There's divorce that's happening, separation, family trauma because of menopause. And so we need to bring this to the light, out of this dark place, out of the darkness, and create some parameters and support networks and remedies and systems for people to be able to get through this, to thrive in this place. We have to do it because it's so hard to go through alone. Definitely. And I know just starting to have these conversations, a lot of people, a lot of men are frustrated and sad or furious that they can't help more or they don't know what to do to support their partner or they're fed up, right?

Dawn Taylor: [00:35:08] 100% they are.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:35:09] So, yeah.

Dawn Taylor: [00:35:11] And at the same time, I'm going to play devil's advocate in one way. At the same time, as I'm hilariously hearing my husband's voice in the back of my head when I say this because this is what he'd say if he was here, is at the same time, just like we really need to not use PMS as an excuse to be a bitch or PMS as an excuse to be nasty to our partner, we need to do the same with menopause. Like while we have crazy brain and while we have all these things, we still, like it still comes down to like, don't use it as an excuse to be mean or cruel or nasty or any of those things. That's where the conversations need to happen with your spouse, with your partner, to be like, Hey, how can I support you in this? But what parameters and boundaries do you need to put in place when you're in that moment so that we're not hurting each other? So that we're not hurting each other, so there we're not attacking, we're not digging, we're not picking, we're not doing any of those things because it is so common. It is so common. So I know a few of the things, like I listed a few of the things that worked for me. Another one that I know has worked really well is IV therapy, that's been really good for me. Girl just bought a red light and I'm now offering red light therapy to clients or anyone who wants to come by my house. Red light is huge for that. I know there's all of these other options. There's all of these options to get through this. And we can do it with dignity, grace and class if we choose to. If we choose to. But we actually have to choose that. And so husbands, talk to your wives. Talk to your wives and be like, Can you explain it? Can you explain what it actually feels like? I remember the first time I was trying to explain what a hot flash felt like, and I was like, I don't think you get it. My husband is like, you know how gross it is to roll over in bed and have you wet? Like you're literally, like, damp to the touch. And I was like, whoa, we need to have a conversation about this. And yes, there's things I can do from like dietary supplements and all these things to slow down the night sweats and slow those things down or the fabric of the sheets or the fabric of my pajamas or whatever. But I was like, it feels like an internal fire. It feels like my body literally started on fire in the center of my body, and it is burning from the inside out. So it's not an option of just like turning the temperature down to cool down because it's on the inside. Like, I don't think you understand. And he was like, Oh, and I was like, No, it's like a burning inferno in my body. And so I actually let him, when I was having a hot flash, I was like, Look, this is where my hot flashes come out of my body because everyone has a spot on their body that they typically come out of, their head, their chest, their thighs, their stomach. And I was like, No, no, feel this. And he's like, Holy hell, that's hot. And I was like, Yes. And it's hotter on the inside. And he's like, Well, that explains why you're so unhappy when you're having one. But it was this vulnerable, open conversation about like, what is actually physically going on in my body. So partners talk, talk to each other about what's going on, support each other, watch for cycles. And if you're like, Wow, my wife goes nuts every 22 days, like every three weeks, she's losing her mind. Guess what? At two weeks be like, Hey, I booked you an IV treatment, or, Hey, you should do this, right? That is the time like you can actually support in this place, because there's also a lot of amazing things that come out of it. Like Jesse said, there's so many amazing things that can come out of menopause, but we have to get through it. It is like going through labor, just lasting longer, right? Like we don't have a choice. We just have to go through it. But friends, talk to each other about this. Talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. Talk about the weird stuff that comes, right? Like the weird smells or the weird sweats or the crazy brain.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:39:14] Yes. I'll never forget my first night sweat and I woke up and I was just like, Oh, my gosh, do I have the flu? Do I have a fever myself? Did I pee? Yeah. I got soaking wet like you could, you could wring out the sheets. That's shocking. That is a shocking experience for someone that's not expecting. When you think night sweats, you just, like, blot your head a little bit. And it's like, No, I'm not, you're going to feel like you jumped in a pool. It's like, what the hell?

Dawn Taylor: [00:39:44] It's so true. I remember waking Chad up some nights and being like, You need to get out of bed. And he's like, It's three in the morning. I was like, I'm changing the sheets. And he was like, Okay, then.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:39:56] This is happening.

Dawn Taylor: [00:39:56] I was like you need to just move. Thankfully, things have gotten better. Thankfully things have gotten better, but it's legitimately a thing.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:40:06] It is legitimately a thing. It's more than just a hot flash here and there. It is a thing that shows up in many different ways for different women in any one or multiple of some of the symptoms that we've talked about. And probably many, many more. So this is why I am a huge advocate for conversation around this and creating some foundations and support structures and things for us to understand that and get through it again, like you said, with more grace and... and less challenging. Definitely, and isolating, because I think it can be very, very challenging and isolating for sure.

Dawn Taylor: [00:40:50] Totally, and friends if your friend's going through it, deliver a care package. Just deliver a care package, whatever they need. Just to let them know that they're loved, they're seen, they're heard, they're understood. That it's okay if they have crazy brain. It's okay. It doesn't matter, you're going to love them and go shopping with them if they gain a bit of weight because, oh, I don't know, that happens in menopause. Or is it you're going to laugh with them when they're hair thins or you're going to sit with them and count wrinkles with them if you need to, or buy them weird face creams? Like it's all of these things that are so awkward and so uncomfortable. And when you feel like an absolute Frankenstein freak walking through life because you're like, But no, on the outside I look just fine. But on the inside you're like, If they could see inside me right now, I'd be committed.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:41:37] Yeah, totally unrecognizable and crazy. Who am I? What is happening to me?

Dawn Taylor: [00:41:47] That's always the thing. It's like, What is this? So the good news is it does get easier.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:41:53] There are some things that really, really, really do help. And I am so interested in finding a more, you know, like it's conversations like this with chats and comments that are like, And I tried this and I tried this and this worked for that. And in such sharing of information that's so powerful. So.

Dawn Taylor: [00:42:12] Oh, one of my greatest tricks was from somebody, when I just walked up, I walked to this woman in the grocery store and I was like, How old are you? She was like 58. And I was like, Do you get hot flashes? And she was like, Oh, sweetie. And I was like, How did you deal with them? Like a perfect stranger? Because I was so desperate for knowledge and information. And she looked at me and she goes, B100 complex and camomile tea. And I went, What? She's like, take B100 complex every morning. And she's like, camomile tea all day, every day. Just sip it. Hot, cold, doesn't matter. She's like that got rid of probably 80% of mine. And for me, that worked. That worked so freakin well. I mean, who wants to drink camomile tea all day, every day? But it worked. So when I felt out of control in that area, I was like, okay, I'm going to do this and I'm going to suffer through the chemical tea - chamomile with honey does taste better with the vanilla - but I would do that because I was like, Thank you for this weird menopause hack from a perfect stranger in a store. And yeah, we just need to talk louder. So if anyone's listening to this, I mean, we know someone's listening to this because I get numbers, but whoever's listening to this, if you have a spouse that's going through this, can you please, please, please, like, send me a message. You can go through my website Hello@TheTaylorWay.ca. Send us a message. I will share them with Jesse. On like how we can support you if your wife is going through it or your partner is going through it. But also if you're the woman, like, we want to hear from you. We want to hear from you on like what your symptoms are, what you're going through, what's worked, what hasn't worked. So we can actually share this.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:43:55] You bet.

Dawn Taylor: [00:43:56] So we can actually put this out there?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:43:58] Yeah! Did I say let's make the m-word mainstream?

Dawn Taylor: [00:44:01] No, I don't think you did. I think you should say it at least one more time.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:44:05] I think I said it. We got this, we got this. Humans, we got this menopause thing. Let's do this.

Dawn Taylor: [00:44:13] We totally do. So at the end of every show I ask just a bunch of silly questions and we're going to do the same today because it's kind of fun. So, Miss Jesse, favorite place you have ever traveled?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:44:27] Hmm, Favorite place?

Dawn Taylor: [00:44:30] Yeah.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:44:32] I would definitely have to say Baja. We've traveled there a few times and gone exploring up the coast of the Sea of Cortez. And that was the best. The best.

Dawn Taylor: [00:44:46] Amazing. Describe yourself in one sentence.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:44:50] Passionate.

Dawn Taylor: [00:44:52] Yeah. You need one word.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:44:56] Oh, my God. One sentence! I heard word. I heard word.

Dawn Taylor: [00:45:01] That's okay, because that totally does sum you up. You can be like the Madonna of descriptions. Just passionate. What do you spend a silly amount of money on?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:45:16] IV therapy.

Dawn Taylor: [00:45:17] Oh, yes! Yeah. I'm with you on that one. Mine's like weird alternative health anything. Like just trying to hack something in my world. This red light. This is my newest. Yeah. If you... What is an unusual habit or just a weird, absurd thing that you love?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:45:38] Popcorn. I like popcorn way too much, like more than the average person. Like, I could eat popcorn for dinner every evening if I was allowed to, because that wouldn't be radical self-care, so I don't. But I, yeah, I have this love for popcorn that's just kind of over the top.

Dawn Taylor: [00:45:57] How do you make it or what's your favorite?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:46:00] There are a few kinds. I mean a go-to is the Smart Food, the white cheddar. But then when my daughter is like, make it. I have the good old popcorn pot that I put on the stove with the coconut oil, we melt it, kernels in it, all pops to goodness. And then I do a mixture of sometimes like different salt. So we have a truffle oil, a truffle salt rather that we use, or salt and vinegar, or white cheddar. And I sometimes do a mixture of things which yeah, fun.

Dawn Taylor: [00:46:29] I want popcorn at your house. My husband's a big popcorn boy. He loves that stuff. And what is one purchase that you have made in the last little while for $100 or less that has positively impacted your life?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:46:45] For $100 or less? Oh, gosh, that's tough. I would say...

Dawn Taylor: [00:46:56] I have one for you if you don't.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:46:59] Okay, tell me. Tell me.

Dawn Taylor: [00:47:01] All of those command strips that were used to hang the art gallery wall behind you.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:47:11] Yeah. Okay. I've also... I was. I'm overthinking it because I purchased a guitar recently in the last year, and I'm going to learn how to play it. So that's something that means a lot. But it's just over 100. It was like 300 bucks.

Dawn Taylor: [00:47:24] That's okay. We'll go with it.

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:47:26] Okay.

Dawn Taylor: [00:47:26] We'll go with it. It's all good. Miss Jesse, thank you so, so, so much for being here today and for hanging out. Where can people find you?

Jesse Schewchuk: [00:47:36] Oh, speaking of Miss Jesse, they can find me on social media. I am MsJesseMuse. That's Ms with an S Jesse Muse, and I am also on LinkedIn. I'm Jesse Schewchuk and my company is Modern Muse Media. So we're a video training agency, and if you follow us, you're going to get a bunch of tips and tricks on how to make awesome video to promote your businesses.

Dawn Taylor: [00:48:02] And she's outstanding. I have taken some courses, so we will have all of the links to all of her social media, how to find her, her website, all of that fun stuff in the show notes. Also all of the treatments, all of our tips, the tricks, everything, it's all going to be in the show notes for you. If you want to check it out there, at TheTaylorWay.ca, check them out and let us know what you think. Also, subscribe now on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts. We will be back in two weeks with another one. And if you love the show, it would mean so much to me if you would leave a review. So, Ms Jesse, thank you so much for being here. And menopause ladies, we've got your back. See you guys in two weeks.

Follow the podcast

If you want to receive new podcast episodes automatically, you can follow us on Apple Podcasts or in your favourite podcast app.

Please leave us an Apple Podcasts review



Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review.