Dawn Taylor|4/10/2023

Content Warning: Sexual assault, eating disorder and brain injury

This week Dawn interviews Dawn? Not precisely, Dawn's guest is Jenny Ryce, who has hijacked the podcast to interview Dawn. The topic covered is about a pivotal time in Dawn's life that continues to have an impact to this day: her brain aneurysm.

Dawn describes to Jenny what life was like immediately before the brain aneurysm. Dawn and her family spent the week leading up to the medical event fighting about Dawn's decision to report a family member for a previous sexual assault. Three days before her 18th birthday, Dawn suffered a brain aneurysm. Most people would’ve died, but against all odds, Dawn made it to the ER and survived. Jenny urges Dawn to remain vulnerable and gets Dawn to illustrate the immediate aftermath of this accident. Dawn obliges and describes the physical, mental, and emotional changes that occurred almost instantly and impress upon us how these changes are here to this day. Dawn also tells Jenny about the heartbreaking conversation with her neurosurgeon about her future life, that she was not likely to see 40. The listener will get an idea of what it is to live with having a known "death day."

Dawn reveals to Jenny that her "death day" was five years ago! Spoilers, she made it! The passing of this "d-day" forced Dawn to re-examine her life, from what making money looks like to how to form close friendships in her 40s. This episode is a powerful display of vulnerability, hope and humour. The listener will leave this experience with a childlike wonder and curiosity. 

About Dawn Taylor

Dawn Taylor is the professional ass-kicker, hope giver, life strategist, trauma specialist, and all-around badass. Dawn's journey into helping others heal began when she took her personal recovery from the trauma she experienced in her life into her own hands. While at times unconventional, Dawn’s strategic methods have helped hundreds heal from traumas such as issues related to infidelity, overcoming addiction, working through PTSD from sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, as well as helping cult survivors thrive. Dawn’s work has empowered entrepreneurs, stay-at-home moms, and CEOs alike to be the superheroes in their own lives. Having completed thousands of hours of training from many professional programs, including the Robbins Madanes Training Institute, Dawn’s blunt honesty will challenge your thinking, broaden your awareness, and help you achieve the outstanding results you are worthy of.

Dawn Taylor - The Taylor Way: website | facebook | instagram | linkedin

Transcript

Dawn Taylor 00:09

I am your host Dawn Taylor, and today we are talking to the amazing Jenny Ryce. So I'm gonna just turn this right over to you. We're not even gonna do our main intro because Jenny requested I not. So let's turn this right over to you. How are you doing today, Jenny?

Jenny Ryce 00:24

I'm fantastic, and honestly, Dawn, thank you for having me on the show. Because I'm going to play a little trick on you today. I'm turning the tables, and I am a fellow podcast host. And I am going to host you today on your show and put you on the hot seat! Yeah, there it is, friend! I'm sorry. But it's your turn to be on the-. 

Dawn Taylor 00:47

Oh, you are hilarious. So people have been asking me forever to be on my own podcast and to talk about a big thing that's been going on in my life over this last year, two years. And Jenny and I talked about it, and yeah, so surprise on me. I guess I'm talking about this, right.

Jenny Ryce 01:07

Because then you can't prepare and overthink as always like you love to do, have a really deep candid conversation and talk about the things. So if I gave you time to plan and prepare, you might have planned and prepared. So I was like, nope! We're just gonna, I'm gonna be on your show. I want it to be interesting.

Dawn Taylor 01:26

You are hilarious.

Jenny Ryce 01:28

I'm just gonna say to you listeners out there that are loving this in the moment, I am so excited. I'm going to make sure that Dawn lets me do this more than once. So this might be the first time I get to surprise her. But in the future, she's going to know, but we're still going to pretend that she doesn't know that it's coming in the future. Because, yeah, we want to hear how Dawn made it. I want to talk to you did on a little bit. I want to dig in a bit. I love your book. For those of you that don't know, that might be listening right now. Dawn has an incredible book that she's written about her life's journey. Trust me, not all the stories are in there, but quite a few of them are. And it's called Dawn Taylor, "PS, I made it" and it is such a deep and powerful insight into who Dawn is. And I am excited to kind of dig into them a little bit deeper. If you're open, Dawn, I know you already bared your soul in this beautiful book. However, I want to dig a little deeper if you're open. 

Dawn Taylor 02:26

Oh, 100%, you know, I'm always willing to talk about my crazy life.

Jenny Ryce 02:31

I want to jump into for those of you that are going to read the book, we're gonna step into here. It's around page 65, somewhere in there, but I want to step back into time. 1998. Okay?

Dawn Taylor 02:49

That was a year 

Jenny Ryce 02:50

That you share about a really powerful year in your life in 1998. What happened to you?

Dawn Taylor 02:57

I had a brain aneurysm three days before my 18th birthday, so April 7, of grade 12.

Jenny Ryce 03:07

So actually-

Dawn Taylor 03:08

 really not a prime time to have a brain aneurysm, by the way. 

Jenny Ryce 03:11

No!

Dawn Taylor 03:13

I mean, not that there's ever a good time. But April of grade 12, when you're trying to buy grad dresses and figure out prom and going away to university and college. And my now husband had given me a promise ring two days earlier on our, you know, what was it? A two-year anniversary of dating! So I'm like madly in love. And it's all exciting, and had a brain aneurysm.

Jenny Ryce 03:41

You know what? I want to dial in for a little minute. We're talking about an 18-year-old girl, right? Who's just kind of tweaking into the whole womanhood vibe that you're talking about, like you say, these are monumental changes happening in your life.

Dawn Taylor 03:54

Huge.

Jenny Ryce 03:54

And bam, you wake up with what could very well be a life-threatening situation. What I loved about that you shared, there was miracles within the chaos from the moment that aneurysm hit. And, of course, you guys, you have to read the book. We're not giving you all of the deets here! But what I loved is that through all that anguish and pain and fear, let's be real, you don't know what's happening. You share in your book these moments of miracles that happen during this chaotic time. And I'm not going to ask you to recount those miracles. But I would love for you to share what it meant to you writing that looking back and seeing the miracles for what they were. How has that helped you heal in some of your own experience around developing a brain aneurysm at 18 years old? Oh, my word. Yeah.

Dawn Taylor 04:53

Well, and in the book, you'll read that there's a lot of stuff that led to it. So I went to the cops on Friday after school to charge my uncle, who had sexually abused me a couple years earlier and spent all weekend being screamed at by family and degraded and told that I needed to shut my mouth and hold all the shame and everything else. And it was like Monday, it was the Monday or Tuesday, after school, I have a brain aneurysm. And the doctors think it was from all of the stress of everything that was going on in my life because I didn't, I didn't meet any of the requirements, right? Like the quote-unquote, requirements of what caused the brain aneurysm. And, you know, when I came out of it, I remember sitting with a brain surgeon and asking questions because I've always been very logical and logistics based. And I started asking questions, and he started spouting numbers, like, one in 750,000 people survives a brain aneurysm, one in 100,000 of those survives the massive defects. There's a 50% chance I'll die of a second one within 10 years. And when I asked about 20 years, he literally looked at me with tears in his eyes. And he's like, Dawn, nobody makes 20 years. Because I was now going to base my whole life on this right. I'm an 18-year-old sitting in a doctor's office. 

Jenny Ryce 06:18

Yeah. 

Dawn Taylor 06:19

I think that this that I was even by myself, like, my mom couldn't come with me that time. So I had flown down or driven down to do this. And I remember just sitting there and thinking, like, I shouldn't be alive. Like, I'm not supposed to be alive. So it made me teary. So as I was writing the book, and even after it happened, I started looking back and asking questions of people in the moment, right, like, where were people, when they found out where were people when they were dealing with it. My husband is the one who found me and drove me to the hospital, and physically fought a doctor to save my life. Like, it's a pretty insane story. But all of these moments kept coming up. And like one of them, for example, is anyone who's listening in northern BC, and Terrace BC is where I lived when this happened. And we lived out in Jack Pine flats. So we lived out of town, like out in the country, right? And he drove without touching his steering wheel because he was so focused on me down that entire highway into town. And people saw it happening, like people came to me years later, and were like, I literally was following, and he never went, like, we don't even know how we did it, like, blew through every stop sign blew through every red light blew through the four-way stop, like, by the bridges, like all of it, like, didn't at all even know what was going on. And just trying to keep me alive in the passenger seat of his car as I'm passing in and out consciousness, like things like that, like these wild moments that became this, like, why am I alive? Why am I here, because like being brutally honest, at that point in my life, like other than the joy around my relationship, every ounce of me wanted to be dead, like there was so much darkness at that point in my life that I didn't want to survive it. And I was angry for a lot of years. And that's where the miracle piece of it. And even now, looking back over it. And I mean, there's so many, there's like, I could have written about 20 more miracles around it from like finding medivac to how my parents were found to sign off on paperwork to the fact that I'm even here! To the fact that like this, so when this podcast is, when you're listening to this, I have just by a couple days past 25 years, like 25 years, and nobody makes 20. Right? So like, there has to be a different purpose. There has to be purpose for why I'm here. And not just to be a waste of skin. Right, and that's what so much of what's driven me in my life.

08:58

And I think to you know, it provides a different perspective. And I'd like to kind of anchor back to being. I want to read something from your book and just what you shared about what your doctor said as well about, about that 50% and how you know most people don't survive this. So you're an 18-year-old young lady, and these are your words from your book. "I felt like such a freak through it all. Most people were friendly to me, I would sit in my wheelchair, and they would smile and say hi, but I still felt very alone." And what's really powerful about that is that 25 years later, you're here, and you manage to fight through that through all the things that you've been through. You guys, if you read this book, it's just like, how did this woman handle all of this? Nevermind... What I would love, if you are open, is to share what it felt like hearing me read that back to you? 

Dawn Taylor 10:01

Very vulnerable. I think I still often feel like that person. I do. And so one of my big things that has come up over the last year they were talking about earlier and why Jenny wanted to surprise me on this, maybe I'm wrecking her plans for this. But-

Jenny Ryce 10:22

That's okay. I can flow!

Dawn Taylor 10:26

That belief, that core belief that I would be dead as of five years ago, like that, I don't even know how to describe how deep that belief was. But also in the loneliness is like, you have to remember that I was 18. I was trying to graduate high school. I was wanting to have kids and get married and go away to school. And, like, this dream that every 18-year-old has as to what life is going to look like and their plans and their quirks. And, you know, I don't know an 18-year-old that doesn't have all the plans and ideas and dreams and goals and just something there's something that they want to do with their life. But the change that happens from 18 to even like 25 is mind-blowing, it's mind-blowing. And I felt very held hostage and who I was at 18 prior to the aneurysm. And so I felt like, internally, I was changing so much. But I also, like, didn't recognize myself, like I physically didn't know who I was. I would scream if I saw my reflection in a mirror in the middle of the night. And that took years to get over. Like, I'm talking like 10, 15 years to get to the point where I could have it not pitch black, and I could see my reflection and not lose it. There was a stranger in my house, like going away to college. I did manage to go for one semester, but I was still too sick. From the aneurysm, like never should have gone four months later...

Jenny Ryce 11:58

You have met yourself, right?

Dawn Taylor 12:00

I know, right? Why is anyone surprised by that? I just can't believe my parents actually let me.

Jenny Ryce 12:09

But you were gonna go anyway, let's be real.

Dawn Taylor 12:11

I would have figured it out. I would have hitchhiked to that. I'm so stubborn. It's hilarious. But even in that, like I, all my photos, like I'm taping up photos on the wall of my dorm room, and people are like, "Oh, who's that? She kinda looks like you!" And it was like me and my boyfriend, me and my friends, me and my parents and me and my siblings. And I was like, "Oh, that's me!" And people are like, no, because I doubled my body size on steroids. And everything was so different. But also this belief that I was going to be dead. It held me back. It has held me back for 25 years in relationships. Because I saw how much that caused so many people around me so much pain when I had the aneurysm. And I thought I can't be this close to people and have them be hurt even more. If I die, or if I have a second one. So subconsciously and partially conscious, I pulled back. I've pulled back on so many of my relationships with my life and not allowed people close, just kind of been like, you know, my little lone wolf over here and done life alone because I was trying to protect the people around me from D-Day, like from this infamous Death Day in my head. And it's only when the 20-year mark hit that it felt like I went to a complete mental breakdown, almost emotionally, like internally again, because I never share. Right? But, like, internally, because I was like, wait, I'm not dead. There isn't anything in my vision of my life past 38 or 40. There is no plan, there is no dream, there isn't what adult relationships look like. And so having to try to like figure that out. So it's interesting to hear my words because it's been, you know, four years since I wrote them to think, wow, it's probably just in this last year that I've stopped feeling quite that alone, which is really wild. Like I still feel that I feel that all the time still, and that's it's interesting to hear.

Jenny Ryce 12:11

Well, I want to touch into, again, you know, this is indirectly, and I think I want to highlight this for those that are listening as well as I want to bring attention to it for myself. For anybody that's connected with somebody going through different stages in their lives. We forget that our words have impact sometimes, right? They can have lasting impact and put unforeseen barriers on people, you know, that you described on page 71. He said there was a 50% chance I would die of a second brain aneurysm within 10 years that nobody makes it to 20, and I know we've shared that just a few minutes ago, but I want to highlight this for the reason being that those words has held you hostage in your belief system.

Dawn Taylor 15:02

Hundred percent. 

Jenny Ryce 15:03

And unintentional, of course. It is that person's job to give you the facts and the reality of what's potential. But I think what's really important that we talk about and bring light to is. I appreciate you sharing that, is how it curved and changed your trajectory in your life and the relationships that you had. 

Dawn Taylor 15:24

Yeah. Oh, everything, like every area of my entire life, is different because of those words, and hear me when I say this, I frickin love that doctor.

Jenny Ryce 15:33

Oh, yeah, this is not a doctor-bashing situation by any means. When your example is such a polarized example, but as leaders, as people, as parents, as you know, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, whatever we are. Anytime we're in connection with someone, I really just want to highlight the importance of the words we use and how we use them. 

Dawn Taylor 15:36

Oh! Not even remotely like, I fought him to know those numbers. I remember sitting in his office and crying and begging him to tell me the statistics! Because I also grew up always feeling like an inconvenience. Like my entire life, I felt like an inconvenience to people, and that was actually one of the main reasons why I needed to know is how do I marry this man if he has to deal with me potentially being dead in 10 years? It's not fair! So he should have the option to walk away now. Find a healthy wife, and go on to have kids and live life and do what he needs to do, right? How do I, you know, start a business? How do I do any of these things? Like, how do you do any of those things if you don't have what your legacy plan is going to be behind it? Like, I don't even know how to describe how essentially deep those words meant. Like fundamental core of my being believed that. Totally!

Jenny Ryce 17:03

Because we're imprinting something on somebody, even if our intention is good, it can create a glass ceiling. You had your glass ceiling, girl.

Dawn Taylor 17:14

Oh, handed to me at 18. 

Jenny Ryce 17:16

Yeah, and that, again, is life-altering. And I should I congratulate you in obviously celebrating that you kick the statistics ass. Thank you very much.

Dawn Taylor 17:16

In a major way.

Jenny Ryce 17:22

 In a major, major way, and you know, I want to stay in this vulnerable piece for a few more minutes if we could just-

Dawn Taylor 17:37

 Yeah, for sure.

Jenny Ryce 17:38

Because I think it's important for people to see, again, I want to be very clear, you had an illness and situation that nobody could see. Other than, of course, when you were bound to your wheelchair, etc. But in your normal life, you look fine. 

Dawn Taylor 17:57

Totally. 

Jenny Ryce 17:58

People don't know, and I want to tap into weight loss and weight gain for just a minute. All the reason being because it's a topic that, like, it plagues people, it plagues everybody.

Dawn Taylor 18:10

Hundred percent. 

Jenny Ryce 18:10

And we're talking about a young woman here who's just, like, basically fought for her life. And then your brains like, I'm sorry, due to the medication that you're on, you get to gain all this extra weight. That's fine. 

Dawn Taylor 18:23

But let's not only just gain the weight, let's go through puberty for a second time, right down to the raging hormones, that all of it. All of that. That was super fun.

Jenny Ryce 18:30

So I'm gonna read I'm going to read this sentence here because this can be jaw-dropping for somebody. I mean, I can't even imagine the strain on your body. "Thanks to all the steroids I was on during and after my hospital stay, my body ballooned by 40 pounds in two weeks." That's like, can you imagine? Like, the you can? Sorry? 

Dawn Taylor 18:59

Yes, yes, I can.

Jenny Ryce 19:00

I, you know, I'm trying to picture picking up two huge bags of dog food and carrying them around all day long, unexpectedly.

Dawn Taylor 19:10

And literally from, like, laying in a hospital bed. Yeah. And the first time you stand up out of a hospital bed, you can't even figure out your own like balance because your weight has shifted so hard.

Jenny Ryce 19:22

Well, and this is the thing, and I want to add this to over the next few months, you gained an additional up to over 80 plus pounds. So your whole world has changed. And then you're dealing with, like you said, sitting in the wheelchair feeling like you don't know who you are. And then you're being questioned about your weight, or you're questioning. You're an 18-year-old girl who doesn't even look like herself, and you share that and though I wanted to highlight this because this is the reason why people didn't recognize you in your photos. 

Dawn Taylor 19:54

Yeah. 

Jenny Ryce 19:55

And you deal with all the actual feedback comes from excessive weight gain.

Dawn Taylor 20:03

Oh, yeah, but even currently, 

Jenny Ryce 20:05

I was gonna say that. So this is the thing that's fascinating that people don't see. You're still dealing with this exact situation. Yet people just assume.

Dawn Taylor 20:16

 I just must eat a lot of doughnuts.

Jenny Ryce 20:18

 Oh, wouldn't that be great?

Dawn Taylor 20:20

No, but it's, but it is legitimately a thing I still have to deal with to this day of, like, people just assume I'm unhealthy. They just assumed that I eat garbage. They just assumed that I am that person, and they have no idea. And it's interesting that society has and don't get me wrong. There's a lot of very unhealthy people that just eat a lot of junk and don't try, but, like, my inner circle will laugh. But yes, I definitely order french fries once in a while. But I'm sorry, ordering french fries like every other week is not an issue. When the majority of my life is actually full of sugar, dairy, gluten-free, healthy IV therapy treatments and supplements and right, like a friend came over literally this morning, and I was making him drink celery juice with me. And he was laughing at me, and he's like, is this one you don't age is because you're always doing weird stuff? And I saw, but the difference is like I have fought to stay alive for 25 years like I have fought for my health for 25 years. But no, I still battle it to this day I have I still deal with brain aneurysm aftermath to this day.

Jenny Ryce 21:33

Well, they don't highlight that, to bring sadness for it. I highlight it to remind people are struggling for we think we don't see. So I invite people to give grace and understanding till you literally walk in someone's shoes. You have no idea what people are going through. Offer kindness, offer love, offer compassion. We never know how somebody got where they got or why they're there.

Dawn Taylor 22:04

You know, I had a really hilarious moment. And it's it is so true. Thank you for bringing that up. It's a really funny moment. Last fall, I was in Vancouver and went with a friend to Victoria. We went to the upgrade labs there. And they do this test that can tell you your cellular health, and it goes through like your trunk and your left arm and your right arm and your left leg, and you're like it goes to other areas of your body. And it's like this is how much water, and this is how much muscle. This is how much fat and this is your optimum healthy weight and all these things. And the girl I'm with is like, like eight-pack abs minimum ripped works out all the time, like, so healthy. And the whole facility is full of people like this, right? And I walk in at, you know, 240 pounds, doing my thing.

Jenny Ryce 22:53

Juicy booty

Dawn Taylor 22:54

I know, right, chunky monkey! And I walk in, and it was so funny because we did this test. And I had healthier cells than all of them. Like at a cellular level. I was healthier than all of them. And they were all shook by it. And they're like, what? And I said never judge a book by its cover. You have no idea.

Jenny Ryce 23:18

That's a mic drop right there. 

Dawn Taylor 23:20

Well, they were like, oh, and then they did the test again because of, like, well, maybe, you know, it wasn't calibrated right? And no, I work very hard to be healthy. Even if it doesn't show up on my on the scale.

Jenny Ryce 23:36

The scale's a devil just saying.

Dawn Taylor 23:40

Especially from a girl who had eating disorders, like I have really, really severe long-term eating disorders in high school. So like, I had an eating disorder when I had the brain aneurysm. So to go from, like, one extreme to the next was so and so, like, that was crazy. That was absolutely nuts.

Jenny Ryce 24:00

Well, and again, you know, you share on page 70 loss of identity, redefining who you are. So let's dig into some fun stuff here. Okay, Who is Dawn Taylor? Like, if you think about Dawn Taylor, now tell me who she is. Who is she?

Dawn Taylor 24:17

Who am I now? Crazy, feisty, calm, stubborn, motivated, driven, lazy. I'm like this weird dichotomy of words.

Jenny Ryce 24:28

 I love it.

Dawn Taylor 24:29

 loving, caring. Like I love people so, so hard, but in the most unconventional ways. 

Jenny Ryce 24:37

I love that. But that's what we're talking about to, like, you know, we get to peel back the layers nowadays and do it differently. We don't have to follow the form and the... So curious, you're sitting beside you, beside your doctor. And you are now what are you saying to 18 old you, who's just come through this horrific experience on the other side, and finding out what is the next phase? What would you share with her?

Dawn Taylor 25:11

You know, the biggest is I was always so stubborn, like the amount of things that I overcame from birth to aneurysm. Like I had more resilience in my pinky finger than I think most people will in a lifetime because of every single thing I've gone through. Right from, like, rejection of a mom who tried to miscarry me her whole pregnancy, right? Like, it was literally rejection and inconvenience from conception. And something in me broke when I look back at it now, past the 20-year mark, something in me broke that weekend, of going to the cops and talking and feeling like I wasn't believed and I wasn't seen and all of those things. And I find it really interesting that the brain aneurysm happened right then because I've always been curious. Or last few years, I've been really curious like, had the brain aneurysm happened at any other point, would I have been that snarky, feisty, mouthy little shithead? To be honest, there was, like, yeah, challenge accepted jerk. Like, that would have been me. Right? Like, that would have been me because that was me through everything else I dealt with. I was that kid. I was that teenager that would stare you down and walk right into you, like, wouldn't even bat an eye. And so, just like, the timing of it is really interesting to my brain. But that's where I'd go back and be like, seriously, like, you're actually going to listen to this. But not only that, it would have been like, Yeah, cool. Okay, so how are we gonna make this like the most amazing 10 years or 20 years of your life? It would have been that and a giant, like, cling to the people that are actually sticking around. Release the people that couldn't. And I don't say that didn't. It's couldn't. I can't imagine what it would have been like being my friend at that point, were our main activities or going shopping at the mall, or hanging out at the movies or the lake or giggling about boyfriends or going skiing. And all of a sudden, I'm in a wheelchair, and I can't do anything the same. That takes a hell of a lot as an adult to stand by a friend when they're going through an injury or an illness like that. And a few pieces of that, number one, what 18-year-old has the emotional intelligence to be able to do that? Not very many. And I spent so long, so hurt by the abandonment of those people and the rejection of those people to just actually love them where they're at and be like, not everyone has the capacity to handle a health issue, or the emotional intelligence to know even how to step up in this way. And I'm talking from, like, a cousin who didn't want to go into town with me because he was embarrassed by my fat, like, I'm talking like, I've had some crazy stuff happen because of the aneurysm in the background, and just giving more grace than that, but also releasing them to be like, You know what, that's okay. You don't need to be my person. Like that can shift that can shift post aneurysm, but also to, like, fight to the death for myself. Like it took a lot of years. And part of it was, I mean, I lived in a small town in northern BC. And I was also 18. So we listen to what our parents are saying, or when we ask for advice from a doctor or things like that, right? We listen. And we just take it at face value and go, okay, they must be right. But to be able to instill in that 18-year-old, like, there's so much more than what these doctors are saying.

Jenny Ryce 29:02

Yeah, your own advocacy. You don't know any, you can shout it from the rooftop.

Dawn Taylor 29:06

No, and you have no idea at 18 that there's a whole world outside of your medical system in your small town is that there's other doctors that if you don't like what one says, you can be like, yeah, that's nice and go find another one, they'll give you a different or better or worse or whatever opinion, but that was part of my role and responsibility in it. That I wish that's what I would go back and I would tell that person, and I think that's something that even now I'll help friends with is when they get a doctor's, you know, I had a friend recently that she was dealing with like needing a colonoscopy and I was like go pay for it. And she's like what, and I'm like, the amount of emotional stresses was causing you waiting for the six months or eight months to be able to get that test. I said was it gonna kill you. And I said watch, and I just sat down, and I literally phoned. I sat on hold, do what needed to be done, and I phoned clinic after clinic after clinic until one would let her pay cash and go in and get it done, like within a week. And she's like, how the hell did you even know to do that? And I was like because I've learned how to be a medical advocate for myself and my spouse. I've had to. I haven't had a choice, but man, to have learned that at 18, I would be so much further ahead than I am now.

Jenny Ryce 30:22

Well, and I always, I always find it fascinating, you know, the wisdom that we have for our younger self, right? You know, and I want to thank the younger Dawn for having the tenacity to fight, you know, and to step in the rain over and over and over again. And this has led you to your passion and your life's work that really, if you think about it, 

Dawn Taylor 30:46

Yeah, it totally has. 

Jenny Ryce 30:47

And you know, it's opened a doorway for you to help other people heal in different ways. Which is such a rewarding. I know what you do. And I know you love what you do and your clients or your... 

Dawn Taylor 30:59

My everything!

Jenny Ryce 31:01

It's your reward. Right? So... 

Dawn Taylor 31:03

Totally.

Jenny Ryce 31:04

 I love you have a chapter in your book, that call, that says health issues are assholes.

Dawn Taylor 31:10

Okay, so my chapter titles are hilarious.

Jenny Ryce 31:13

Honestly, you guys, if you don't even read the book and just read the chapter titles.

Dawn Taylor 31:16

My favourite is "Who needs ovaries when you can have a drug addiction?" that was probably my favourite. I just had, like, I was feeling really feisty one day when I was naming my chapters as a joke, like, those are my working titles. And then in the end, in the end, I was like, oh, no, we're keeping that those are entertaining for me too.

Jenny Ryce 31:38

And I want to share, actually, for everybody that's listening, Dawn has dropped a ton of nuggets about her history, her life story, do not think that I'm letting those slide by, and we're never gonna dig into them. But this episode would be about six hours long if I tackled all of these stories that Dawn has shared. So do know... 

Dawn Taylor 31:59

We'll come back. 

Jenny Ryce 32:00

Yeah, we will be coming back, and I will be tapping into, you know, pre-18, I will be tapping into post-18 and digging into all of that. So don't think I didn't hear her share the spill the beans, don't worry, we got you covered, you're just gonna have to come back and listen, you're gonna have to, you're gonna have to... 

Dawn Taylor 32:22

Right. 

Jenny Ryce 32:23

As we get close to the, you know, closing out our time together, I really want to dig into what life looks like now. So now we know you have hit, you've passed the finish line, friend! Bah lived through D-Day! You've blown the roof off D-Day! So D-Day doesn't exist anymore. Right? What does that mean for you? What does that mean, not only for you but to you?

Dawn Taylor 32:52

So 40 was like the date in my head. It wasn't even your 20 so much as it was 40 years old. That was always like the easy, like, number of my husband and I both had had enough health issues that we both always were like, man, if we ever make 40 like that'll be a big deal. 

Jenny Ryce 33:12

That's like the going joke, right?

Dawn Taylor 33:14

That's like a going joke, right? Like for 24 years. That was the going joke was like, man, if we make 40, we're throwing a Partay! And it's funny because we actually planned a huge party that year, for the month before we turned 40 because neither of us actually, like, I truly didn't actually think we'd make 40. So I was like, what a great way to go out like, it's like a pre-funeral. I know how bad this sounds, but that was literally what it was. 

Jenny Ryce 33:42

Yeah, but if this is what you're thinking, people think this, and I love that you just share it because people that are going through either a diagnosis or a doomsday have some type of their own, literally...

Dawn Taylor 33:54

And no one talks about it! Hence like this whole podcast, this whole podcast is like these conversations. Right? 

Jenny Ryce 34:01

Right!

Dawn Taylor 34:02

And so yeah, we've had this massive party and this whole like we were actually doing a surprise vow renewal, and no one really knew about that, like there was like all of this stuff going down. Because it was also like the anniversary dates, and all of it got cancelled because of COVID, I remember sitting on my driveway beginning of April, right, like literally, what three years ago today that you're listening to this? Because quite episodes coming out on my birthday, literally sitting there and we had all these like chairs, you know, six feet apart, and it's cold out because it abouts 10 in Edmonton. And people came over to, like, wish me happy birthday and just like hang out and like sit and visit, and no one would had really seen anyone for about six weeks at that point. And I we're sitting there, and I was like, this is so anti-climatic Right? Like, I should be dead. And I'm just like sitting on my driveway talking to people, right? Like, it's just...

Jenny Ryce 35:02

This is so random! 

Dawn Taylor 35:03

This is so random! Like it just felt so wrong. But I also like that morning when I woke up was like shit, I'm alive like, huh, okay, maybe it'll happen later today,

Jenny Ryce 35:15

Yeah, the doomsday clock, right. What are doing on April 7 this year?

Dawn Taylor 35:17

Right, like the doomsday clock, like when I say D-Day, like there was literally like a clock going at all times in my head, and like I took April 7 off every single year from work up until last year, because that's the day I was going to die. And I didn't want it to be with clients. Or, while I was at work, I wanted to die at home on my own bed. Like literally like you... I don't know. But we should plan something, right. But that was a thing like that was a thing that I would do because that like that was just where my headspace was. And so as COVID kept going that year, like, all of a sudden, was like, I'm gonna take a giant chance, I'm going to fulfill my lifelong bucket list item dreams. And all of a sudden, like, in the middle of COVID, I'm opening a trauma healing center in like 20 hours away from where I live, and I'm like, sure! But then, like, because there's still health issues from the aneurysm, right, then I end up getting sick, and I couldn't do it. And I had to shut it down after a year. And, you know, just like all of these stupid little things, but all of a sudden, I came back, and I became obsessed with doing medical testing. So I paid for more random bloodwork and had it shipped out to the States or shipped to Europe or shipped out to private labs. And I worked with a naturopath to the point where he was finally like, would you just stop like you've now paid, I'm talking 1000s of dollars. For all of this, like at one point, I have like these like little strips of paper, and I had to like pee like all these times throughout day but like 20 minutes before this and half an hour after this and like, write the info on it, but then have to let them sit out and dry and my husband was like. There's literally like 30 strips of pee sitting around our house right now. Can you please deal with this? Like, I'm talking crazy shit, like I was doing all the things. And I went to my medical doctor, and I went for like an EKG, and I had x-rays and ultrasounds and all the bloodwork he could order, and I was trying to find proof that I was still dying. And that was probably the most fucked up excuse my language, but not feeling on the planet was. As all the tests came back perfect. I'm talking like vitamins, minerals, nutrients; my cortisol level was perfect. My sugar levels were perfect. My blood pressure is normally perfect. Like all the work have done to just stay alive for those 20 years had panned out, and there was this weird. I don't know how to word it. It was almost like disappointment. 

Jenny Ryce 35:27

Yeah.

Dawn Taylor 36:27

It was this weird disappointment because it was like, no, no, but it's supposed to be done! It's supposed to be done! So this, like, I've never planned business past the age of 40. So when they would talk like goal setting and like, what do you want your business to look like in five years? 10 years, 20 years? 30 years? Like, we've never talked retirement? There wasn't even a thought like, that wasn't even a thought! So all of a sudden, like my husband and I are sitting in the backyard going. So what do people do for retirement? What kind of money do we need?

Jenny Ryce 38:32

Right? Yeah! 

Dawn Taylor 38:33

This has never been an option! This has never been an option. We're like, I'm still called. I call people all the time. What are your retirement plans? They're like, what? I'm like, What are you planning? Like are you going to do the Arizona like, are you going to snowbird all winter? Are you going to buy a lake lot? Are you going to just like move into seniors living in your small town, or are you going to move in with your kid? Are you running away? Like, what, what does this mean to you?

Jenny Ryce 39:07

Well, now I know why you were so curious what my plan will be one day.

Dawn Taylor 39:11

Totally. Because I'm asking everybody because there was never, it was like if you've never tasted a spice or herb, and then you walk into a spice market, and all of a sudden they're like, Okay, buy spices, and you're like what the... Actually, like, I don't even know where to start. I'm talking, like, right down to, like, should we own a house? Should we? What does this look like? Pay off some medical debt because it's not going to disappear when we die at 40 and be covered by our life insurance.

Jenny Ryce 39:43

Right! It changes your planning! 

Dawn Taylor 39:46

Everything!

Jenny Ryce 39:47

Or there is planning. I guess that's the flip side. There's actually quite a bit.

Dawn Taylor 39:53

We actually have to plan stuff now. But it also shifts like, hey, what are the relationships we want to build those people?

Jenny Ryce 40:01

That's beautiful. 

Dawn Taylor 40:02

There's a desire for community that I've never had.

Jenny Ryce 40:06

How freeing and how hard? Like, no, but seriously, like, one breath is like, yes. And then the next breath, you're like, oh, this seems like a job.

Dawn Taylor 40:21

It's so much. It's actually been incredibly overwhelming. And I know, without telling my husband's story, he might even be listening to this, hi babe. He also thought because of his own health stuff, he was told he didn't have long to live. So it wasn't just me. Like we collectively as a couple thought we were done by 40.

Jenny Ryce 40:48

Well, it sounds like it was a part of the plan. 

Dawn Taylor 40:50

It was 100% a part of the plan. So all of a sudden, it was like, oh, we need to, like, redo the will. And we need to redo the paperwork. And we need to, we need to shift all of these things. Like I might be the only person I know at my age that has my entire funerals planned. There's literally, like, do you want to know how funny this is? Not only is there a plan, it is like documented right down to, like, these are the people that are going to walk through the house, and they can take a piece of art or a set of Lego or something that means something to them. This is how to find my clients and my phone. This is how you contact this. There is a job letter for you for a current and future job if you need it. 

Jenny Ryce 41:30

Love it. 

Dawn Taylor 41:31

Literally, there is a job letter to whom it may concern regarding Jenny Ryce like. It is that deep. The caterers where the flowers are going to come from I had to shift it this last year because one of the florists shut down her practice.

Jenny Ryce 41:48

Well, that was inconvenient.

Dawn Taylor 41:50

I know. But, like, it has been so big. It has been such a big thing. And I do find it interesting how nobody has ever talked to us about it. 

Jenny Ryce 42:06

Yeah!

Dawn Taylor 42:06

I think no, parent, no therapist, friends, family, knowing that this was the numbers knowing that this was the belief knowing this about us, that no one's ever questioned it. I found I find that really interesting now.

Jenny Ryce 42:24

Denial is a powerful thing, right? 

Dawn Taylor 42:26

Oh, 100%. And it's other people's fears around us dying as well. Right. But yeah, no, I think it's life now is interesting. I'm like fighting the health even stronger. I know I'm doing all...

Jenny Ryce 42:40

It worked! Who knew!

Dawn Taylor 42:42

Right, I'm now, like, doing like heavy metal detox cleanses. And I'm starting some like football treadmill climbing thing on Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. But I'm also, like, starting guitar lessons next week, because I want to learn how to play guitar now. And we're starting to have these conversations about, like, do we want to travel? Where do we want to live? What kind of like we just purchased a vehicle instead of leasing because we're like, wait, we're actually going to be around for a while. So this is easier than them having to hand back a car for a lease. 

Jenny Ryce 43:20

Oh, yeah. Well, again, I think what's so beautiful. And what you're caring about is you're shifting from having this unknown, like, expiry date, that kind of felt very final, you know, like all of us come with an expiry date, we just none of us know what it is. And you, too, thought it was 40. And now you're living in this, this new way of being almost like a childlike curiosity like, hey, wait a minute!

Dawn Taylor 43:48

Totally. And it feels that way. It feels like this weird, childish curiosity. And even then, like, now, I'm like, whoa, what do I want my legacy to be? What do I want my adult years? I call them to be because it's like the pre-D-Day post-D-Day, kind of feel. But I now also wake up every day thinking like, I am alive. Like, I whisper that almost every single morning when I wake up, like, I'm alive. But it's shifting, even like working, like who I'm working with, and what I'm doing this podcast came out of this, you know, all of these things. So it's like, man, how many people deal with this? When they have the cancer diagnosis? So they have all these things that go down, and you're told like there's all these chances of remission, and I get it. Does it still make me nervous? Yes, do I still do things in terms of like my IV treatments and things that I'm doing to strengthen like artery health and all of those things to hopefully not have a second one anytime soon. Yes. Will it potentially take me out at some point soon or at some point in my life? Who knows? I've beat all the statistics so far. But I refuse to let it determine my daily behaviours and actions anymore.

Jenny Ryce 45:17

Hmm. Can you repeat that for me?

Dawn Taylor 45:20

I refuse to let it determine and dictate my daily actions anymore.

Jenny Ryce 45:24

I don't know who needs to hear that. But if you're listening right now, and that hits you in the gut, your heart, you have chills going from your toes to the top of your skull. That is a powerful, powerful awareness. It releases the shackles, it allows your wings to shake free and put air within them. It gives you a chance to rise up and be who you were meant to be. And no apologies, right? 

Dawn Taylor 45:55

None. 

Jenny Ryce 45:56

None. I love it. So we're getting close to needing to sign off. Like I said, this episode could go for seven days. And...

Dawn Taylor 46:04

Maybe we should just do like quarterly, let's like...

Jenny Ryce 46:08

Yeah, we're gonna keep dropping these. So don't worry, if you guys are loving this, we're gonna keep dropping these what I would really like to make sure in regards to this conversation because there will be other ones. Is there something you wish I asked you that I haven't asked you. 

Dawn Taylor 46:22

You know what someone asked me the other day is if you could go back and take one thing away out of your life. Like if you could go back and change that date of having the aneurysm and stop that, would you? And you know what's interesting is I bounced back and forth with it. There's, I know that the correct answer is absolutely not. It's taught me so much. It's brought me so much, like it's been so amazing. But with that, that's an interesting one for my brain is would I go back and not have the aneurysm. And I don't, and it's I used to always say never because everything I've gone through has brought me to this point and gifted me something. And it's an interesting shift that's happening in me right now where I'm like, I don't know, I think that's the one file I could, like,

Jenny Ryce 47:20

Yeah, if I could do the thing.

Dawn Taylor 47:21

Because I can delete one thing from my past like I'll deal with all the rest of it. But if I could get rid of the aneurysm, and I can't honestly say, I don't know. And that's an interesting one for me right now that that piece is shifting. There's an interesting grieving process that's having to happen right now. Around what do you mean, I have to work for another 20 years? I should be done.

Jenny Ryce 47:50

Right? There's a whole, there's a whole other life waiting for you.

Dawn Taylor 47:53

What do you mean, I have to actually, like, live more, or I have to deal with aging parents, or I have to build relationships now. Like, build closer relationships, and try to find a community in my 40s that most people have built way before. And, you know, like, there's, there's all these pieces that are really, really interesting in my head that I feel like I'm almost having to grieve right now. In a weird way, like with the gift of a whole second life, literally a whole second life, right? Like, because I'm going to live to 118, I decided that's my number. 

Jenny Ryce 48:33

Sweet!

Dawn Taylor 48:34

 I'm making it happen because, hey, I've overcome the statistic. Why not?

Jenny Ryce 48:39

Cells! So you're on the right track!

Dawn Taylor 48:40

I know. I got real good cellular health! You just never know. But yeah, that is an interesting thing. And I don't always know how to explain it to people when I don't react the way that they expect me to or need me to, or I don't respond the same way, or I don't think the same way. And I think a lot of it is that I'm not as complicated as people might think. I'm actually really simple and basic in a lot of ways. Like I'm not dramatic, and I don't want to fight with people. And I don't want to argue with people. And I don't want to, like, I'm actually really incredibly simple in a lot of those things. And so much of that is from the fact that I've overcome a lot.

Jenny Ryce 49:26

So final thoughts. When we, you know, when we think about what we've shared today, what would you love to leave our listeners with?

Dawn Taylor 49:36

We've all had something that's gone on in our lives. We've all had something that has taken something from us. But we also all have things that we've allowed to die because of it. So figure out who you were prior to that death, who you were prior to that trauma moment or that moment that took something to figure out how to get those things back again. Because I think from a place of preservation, we allow parts of us to die. And sometimes it's all about finding those we can live again.

Jenny Ryce 50:10

Amen. It's that who I was before and who I am now moment.

Dawn Taylor 50:14

Yeah. And then how to intermingle them, how to intertwine them, which was one of my big goals this year is I'm finding things that I loved pre-aneurysm and bringing those back in some way, shape or form.

Jenny Ryce 50:29

Love it. Thank you, Dawn, for allowing me to hijack our time together and turn the tables on you and for being such a good sport and being completely authentically vulnerable! I appreciate you greatly for your story, but also for you as a human being. And as an example of what's possible if we are resilient and persevere and reinvent. So thank you so much. For the listeners, dig into what Dawn said. If any of this resonates with you, do not hesitate to reach out if you need support. Dawn is amazing at it. But ask anybody for support, don't do this alone. You do not have to do this alone. So thank you, Dawn, for having me on your show.

Dawn Taylor 51:16

You're welcome?

Jenny Ryce 51:18

I'm gonna pass it back to you!

Dawn Taylor 51:24

I don't know what to say now. How do I like? So thank you so much for hanging out with us today. 

Jenny Ryce 51:29

Yeah! Thanks, Jenny, for being on the show!

Dawn Taylor 51:33

Thanks, Jenny, for hijacking my podcasts today. You're hilarious. And seriously, I'm honoured. I'm honoured to share a small piece of my story, but something that I'm in the middle of right now. That I'm really in the middle of digging, dig into the rubble of it as we speak. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Join us again, in two weeks, for an actual episode that's not me. But also check out the show notes like located at the taylorway.ca For more information for all the contact information, all of that fun stuff. But also, we're gonna post some before and after photos and a few things. I even have some hospital photos, they might be a little graphic, but I do if you are curious what I went through and what that was and some links of where to find the book. If you want one that was signed, you can contact me directly, and I will actually handwrite in it and write you a personal note as well and mail that out to you. Subscribe now on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts and yeah, let me know what you thought of the show. See you guys in a couple weeks.

Follow the podcast

If you want to receive new podcast episodes automatically, you can follow us on Apple Podcasts or in your favourite podcast app.

Please leave us an Apple Podcasts review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review.