Dawn Taylor|7/3/2023

Transcript

Dawn Taylor

Hey. Welcome to the Taylor Way Talks podcast. I am your host, Don Taylor, and today we get to talk to one of the biggest fans of the podcast. No, actually get to talk to one of my favorite humans, and it's my sister, my sister Jill we are going to be digging into, as you heard from the last episode, the other side of adoption. So, if you listen to the last episode, amazing. You know exactly what we're going to be diving into today because you got to hear my nephew Reese talk. If you didn't, stop now, go back, listen to that episode because we're looking at adoption from both sides. So, from a child who's been adopted, but also from the parent, and on my side is the auntie of the kids that were adopted. So before we get started, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my sister so that you can fall in love with her, too. She's a nurse. She's a mom of four amazing kids. I guess four and a half now with.

Jill Rempel

Three more significant others that I adore.

Dawn Taylor

Right? Like there's a whole lot more kids in there now. They're all amazing. She has a farm.

I think it's safe to say here's a lot of pets. There's just a lot of pets and a lot of land going on there. But she's also my big sister. She's also my big sister and has blessed me with four and now, seven of the most amazing humans that I get to love and call my nieces and nephews. So welcome to the show, Jill.

Jill Rempel

Thank you.

Dawn Taylor

I'm so glad you're here. So, what is it you wish people were talking about?

Jill Rempel

There's, like, the good, bad, ugly, beautiful parts of adoption. And I think that a lot of people don't truly understand it or go into it understanding what all the pieces are going to be. And it's really hard, and there's a lack of support, too.

Dawn Taylor

Yeah, totally is. Without giving too many details, because it's the kids stories and not ours, my amazing sister and her husband John adopted four beautiful babies. They were from three months old up to the oldest of just over six when they were adopted. So literally, like,

went from zero to four kids overnight and they're all half siblings. It was absolutely amazing and crazy and I'll never forget the day that you called and you were, like, "I think these are our kids." And I was like, "What?" And you sent me a picture and you're like, "What is this?" I just remember thinking like, "Holy cow, these are going to be our nieces and nephews." These are going to be our babies. So, obviously most people adopt because there's been infertility or struggles to get pregnant, those sorts of things. So let's start at the beginning. What were your guys' expectations on adopting? Like, what is it you thought it was going to be? What were your fears? What were the exciting things? But really, let's dive into the expectations of it.

Jill Rempel

I was quite open to adoption very early on in our infertility journey because I had babysat adopted kids, I had dated an adopted guy. It didn't scare me. I was having so much pain in the infertility journey and I was just like, "Can we just move on? I'm done. I can't do this anymore." And John was a lot more, he wanted to make a baby, which is totally fair, and he didn't know anybody that was adopted, so there was a lot more fear on his end and. we, yeah, after watching me, it was three years of trying, but the last year, I was on fertility drugs and I was not doing well emotionally, and I was puking all the time, and I remember going to the doctor and the doctor's like, "I think we need you to try this for eight more months and then we'll send you to the fertility clinic." And I lost it, and we got down to the car, and John's like, "We're adopting." And I was like, "Thank you. Thank you so much!" 

And he just jumped in with both feet. He was totally on board. We went to some adoption picnics and met other adoptive families. I had a friend who had adopted kids, and so we saw these little people as more than just these scary kids in the foster system, which is what a lot of people see. They just see all the hurt, and they don't think that they can manage that in their house so that really helped us, and then we got a social worker who was very proactive. She'd been doing removals for 20 years, she was heading into retirement and was like, "I just want to do adoptions. I want to find these kids families." So she did nothing by the rules. They told us the home study would take a year. Ours was three visits, and she just like, we were supposed to do adoption education. This is 20 years, like, 17 years ago, so now it's a lot different but she basically, we did home school, adoption education with our adoption workers. She just, like, blew us through it, got us in contact with a few adoptive families and said, "You guys are ready to go." We had thought we would start, we had always wanted four kids, but when you can't have them, you're like, "One would be great." 

So, our amount of kids decreased significantly, and we were kind of looking for one kid under the age of four, boy, girl, we were open to kind of a lot of things and then at our first adoption meeting, she said, there's a lot of times where especially in the foster care system, where mom's already given birth to a second child before, by the time that they're actually available for adoption, because they really work on reuniting them with their family first. And we were like, "That would be amazing thing if we could get two, because then we could just do this once, and a one year old, a three year old, a two year old, and a four year old. That would be amazing". 

Then she's like, "But you got the room for three, do you think three would be okay? "And I'm like, crazy, and John and I are like, "Well, we could do it. We could do three. It would work." And at our next home study visit, this was like, a month later. She's like, "I have these three kids. They're boys, and they're six, four and two." And John and I our gut response was like, "No, these aren't the kids." And I don't know what made us feel that. We just both like, there wasn't even - I didn't even ask any more questions. It was just like, "No, these aren't the ones." Then at the next film study visit, she's like, "I have a family for you. These are the kids." And I was like, "A family for us? Okay, how many kids are we talking?" She's like, "They're six, four and two. And there's baby on the way. Baby might not be up for adoption, but we suspect that they will be." And I was like, 

"This is crazy." I was like, "Does anybody adopt four kids?" And she's like, "No, nobody does this."

Dawn Taylor

Oh, I remember these conversations.

Jill Rempel

John and I had just bought a Honda Civic, maybe nine months prior for our new family that was coming, and these kids weren't going to fit in this brand new Honda Civic, and I remember thinking, "This is, like, bat shit crazy. This is dumb. This is a bad idea." She left the house. And all we knew was their names and their ages, and we knew nothing else about them, and she left our house, and John and I felt we felt like we had stepped out on a stage and we were floating like that stage fright feeling where I was like, "I need to take a big, deep breath, but, like, I think these are our babies." And, everybody I was like, "Well, I'm going to call mom because mom has a lot of anxiety. She's going to tell me that this is stupid."

Dawn Taylor

So much.

Jill Rempel

And she was over the moon. She was so excited. And I was like, "Okay, this is weird." and then I called you and you were so excited. I thought, "Somebody's going to tell me this is dumb."

and my two safest people, both were like, "Bring it on. Let's do this." and all the people that loved John and I and that knew our journey and that walked with us and prayed with us all worked completely on board. And ,like, "We'll do whatever we can to help you. All of us." People at work, however, were like, "That is stupid." And I was like, "You're right. It's crazy. What are we thinking?" Um, yeah, but we just knew it was, like at my core, we both knew that this is 100% what we were supposed to be doing.

Dawn Taylor

It was wild. I remember Chad and I getting off the like, I got off the phone call with you, and I told him, and he's like, "Why does this feel right?" This is nuts, but, then we also went into panic of, like, "They need help. Hope we have to figure this out." So, what was the timeline? What was the timeline from when you even heard these names to when you went and picked them up? Because I think people will be shocked hearing how quick this all went down.

Jill Rempel

So June is when we went to the adoption agency and said to the ministry office and said, "We're looking into adoption." We met our social worker in July at a picnic. She started her home study in September. I think in October is when we heard about the little boys. Three weeks later, we heard about our kids, and we said yes. So that was lik,e no, it was earlier than that. It was in September. I think it was September, we heard about them. And then in October, Reese was born. And I got a call at work saying, "Your baby was born. They're six pounds, 9oz." And I was, like, bouncing at work. I just had a baby. People were like, "Why are you at work?" I'm like, "Because we can't trust him yet."

Dawn Taylor

"Yeah, he's not actually mine yet."

Reese Rempel

"They're not actually mine yet. But I had a baby today." Yeah, and then we started talking to the foster parents in December, and they came home in January. So it was seven months from that first visit with the social work. It's like the first encounter to having four kids in our house.

Dawn Taylor

Oh, yeah. I remember thinking that it was less than a pregnancy and it was nuts. And so you guys had to go out and buy a van. And I remember Chad and I showing up, and we brought you our actual dining room table and the bench seat chairs because you guys had nothing. Like,

you had nothing to prepare for this.

Jill Rempel

Plastic dishes, beddings. We had enough towels for two people. We needed, like, six people's worth of towels. I needed toys.

Dawn Taylor

I remember coming, and we like, we had gone to Ikea and we had shelving, and we brought you guys a deep freeze. And do you remember that? We literally loaded up a truck, like, the whole body.

Jill Rempel

And our dining room light didn't work. So, for the first six months that we had the kids, we ate dinner by candlelight and you guys came, which is really, actually quite fun. The kids loved it, but we had no proper light above our dining room table, so they came and installed a multicolored primary color fan above our table. And the kids, we thought it would be fun for the kids. They were like, "Why aren't they mechanical items?" But it's still fun, right?

Dawn Taylor

But it was so wild. And I remember, you guys did a photo shoot, so you got them in January, and I don't know, how was it? Because we came up for Easter and hung out with you guys and met our nieces and nephews. And it was so wild because we also couldn't have kids. There's a high rate of infertility and struggles around pregnancy in our extended family, but you just assume that you're going to meet a niece or a nephew as an infant and as a baby. And this, like, six year old walks in the room, and all of a sudden you're, like, playing with these little kids, and at no point and this was actually really cool at no point did Chad or I think, like, "Oh, these are our newer adopted kids". It was like, "No, these are just our babies. These are our kids, and now we love them and they're ours." But, I remember making and I don't know if you guys remember this, but making, like, a giant family tree with photos of everybody, because these poor kids are, like, meeting all of the extended family and all of these people. And I actually made this massive poster that had actual photos of every single person with lines drawn, and I had them help me to try to figure out where they fit. And I'll never forget the line for them was like, little hearts, because it was like, "We love you. We chose you. You're ours."

Jill Rempel

I remember how hard it was for you how hard it was to wait till April to meet them, too, because we really wanted them to know we were their parents. We didn't want to overwhelm them. So we were like, "You can't come see them yet." And everybody's like, "What?" And we made people wait weeks and months, like, even mom and dad. It was a while after, and it was torture for people. We have a new family and you can't meet them.

Dawn Taylor

It was so hard. It was so hard. But it was also. I don't know if it's because we grew up where our mom's best friend had two little boys that were adopted. And so we had experienced so much adoption in our life, and watching these kids and just loving them and I don't know, we were like, yeah, okay, it's hard, but we totally have mad respect for the fact that you have to put these boundaries in place to protect.

JIll Rempel

And nobody questioned it. Everybody was very, very respectful of it, but it was hard, and we wanted help, and we were like, "But you can't come."

Dawn Taylor

Right? It was so crazy. But with that, our family and you heard last week, listeners, that Reese even said this, our family was amazing. Like, from grandparents down, nobody batted an eye. Nobody questioned it. There was never like, "Oh, they're different" or, I love the fact that they'd, like, find pictures of our birth relatives that looked like them to be like, "Look, you even look like the family!" Like, you're like one of them. Like, it was never it was never a thing. It was never a question. It was never a thing. We just freaking loved these kids and they were ours. But some of those expectations of adopting, right? Like there's this interesting struggle with the fertility issues and all of that and just wanting a child to love and take care of and all that. But going in, what were your expectations on how it would be to have adopted kids? The love you'd get, all of that?

Jill Rempel

Yeah. We had done a lot of research prior, especially adopting toddlers. They just don't understand what's happening. So, they really, yeah, it can be quite a traumatic time to be adopted and it can lead to a lot of future stuff, and because a couple of them were so old and had abuse prior, there was a lot of trauma coming, too. So, we knew that it was going to be really hard. We were already talking with the foster parents about the behavior things and the school things and the sleeping issues and the eating issues. These weren't like little lovable cuddly kids that were just going to embrace us with open arms. They were scared, they were hurting, and they were going a new family, a new school, a new church, a new neighborhood, a new sibling, because the baby wasn't living in the same home as them. So we were picking up three at one home and one at another home and being like, now we're a family. Yeah, it was wild and, yeah, so there was a lot of adjustment we had, and I knew it was going to be really hard, but I remember at ten years looking back and being like, "Are they ever going to be okay? I just want them to heal. I just want them to be happy. I just want them to know I love them." and being like, "They might not ever get this." So I don't think I really understood the length of time that that healing would take. I figured if John and I loved them enough, that it would get easy, like five years in and we'd be like a normal family, whatever that means. I don't know what normal is, but we're raised that way. Really? What is normal? Yeah. And I think I expected we get a bit more support from the ministry than we got. We got financial support, but we didn't have any human body support. And then also, family doesn't know how to support you when your child is violent or is smashing their head on the concrete till their forehead bleeds. They don't know what to do. And I don't blame anybody, but a lot of our people just kind of backed up. It was scary. It was too much. And John and I also isolated, so instead of reaching out, we would go to outings. Like, even family didn't know how hard it was because we could tell when they were going to start to escalate. And we would vacate.

Dawn Taylor

Then you guys would run.

Jill Rempel

We'd be like, "Bye bye." And they'd be like, "Oh, they're so lovely. Family gathering." And then it would take us 3 hours to drive the 1 hour drive back to Prince George because we were raging and throwing rocks and crying and kids, and we would get home and we'd be like, "Why did we even do that?" But we didn't really share that with people because we didn't know if they could handle it. I don't know. And then there's also, like, we must be doing it wrong. So there's this feeling of, like, if I'm honest, then people will know that we're bad parents and we were doing our absolute best. And I won't go into details of all their struggles, because that is totally their story. But, yeah, there were times where I thought, "Is this ever going to get okay? Are we ever going to be okay? Are the kids ever going to be okay? Maybe this was a big mistake." Not that I wished I hadn't adopted them, but maybe we weren't the right family. And then I was like, "No, God placed these kids in our life for a reason. He chose us to be their parents." And I knew at my core that we were supposed to be their parents. But there was also times that were so hard that we were like, "Maybe somebody else would have been a better fit, and they'd be doing better."

Dawn Taylor

So with that, I know you and I have had conversations since, okay, so, side note for everybody, all four of them are doing amazing.

Jill Rempel

They really are.

Dawn Taylor

They are amazing. All doing amazing. Like, they're 17 up to 23 right now. They're happy and healthy and living life.

Jill Rempel

I was going to say there's eight of them now. You said seven. They all have significant other. Oh,

that's right. They do. And so we're planning family pictures, and there's twelve of us in the family, like, for July. So, yeah, they all have jobs that they well, not that they love, necessarily, but they're thriving in and they're happy in their relationships. They're doing great.

Dawn Taylor

They're doing amazing. But part of that, too, is, as you guys have processed and dealt with it, it became a massive trauma, personally, and the PTSD and the grieving and everything that had to go down, right? One thing I did want to say is, for anyone listening who's dealt with this or has family that's dealt with this, is like, get them in for some therapy and some help now. And not just the kids, the parents.

Jill Rempel

Yeah. I wish John and I reached out for help sooner. I didn't realize how much our trauma was until one of our children moved out of our home for a while due to safety, and then moved back in. And John was, I don't want to share too much about him because he's not here speaking, but he's very open about this. He had PTSD from parenting, and so every time this child would start to be defiant or act like a normal teenage boy with a little bit of attitude, he would react just like it had been at the worst, and when we had to have him removed, and I was like,0" John, you can't react like that". He's trying so hard to be back home, and he's healed, and he's doing so good. And then every time he has one little hiccup, you are over the moon. And it was totally a PTSD response, and he got into some great counseling. And John is a different human after that. It changed who he is, and he's the first to tell. We've met with a few adoptive families, and he's like, if you are having PTSD, it's real, it's legit, it makes your life miserable. It makes your kid's life miserable. Please get help for it. He's a huge advocate for, I don't think I realized how much John and I both grew up. We thought it was fairly healthy, but any little bit of trauma that you did have as a child now gets compounded. And one of the kids, as an owl was over and, we're talking about what it was like, and there were times that were so hard, and I was like, we were living in trauma soup. I was like, you guys were dealing with your trauma down there. We're dealing with our trauma. We were being traumatized. But what we were hearing from you, we were being traumatized by behavior. We were reacting out of our trauma, which was not ideal, causing more trauma. I'm like, let's just stir all this shit up in a pot and then try to be healthy and happy. And she's just like, "Yes, that is what it is." And it's like, now they're adults. I still have a teenager, but they're growing. And they're like, yeah, it was really hard, but I think they're all realizing we are all a bunch of messed up humans, and it's okay. And they're recognizing that they're loved. I still think sometimes they don't really believe how much John and I love them that I would, you know? Yeah. Our oldest was 19. He's like, I just realized you guys aren't going to go anywhere. You're not going to ditch me. And I'm like, "Finally!"

Dawn Taylor

13 years. I know. Telling me that and being like, "He finally is figuring it out."

Jill Rempel

Like, oh, my gosh. Right? And you really, I know people are like, you don't sell adoption well. And I'm like, no, it's not that I don't sell adoption well. I just think we need to go into it really realistically, and we need to, like, when we went into when we first adopted, we went met with our pastor at our church who had adopted children, and he said, "If you're going into adoption expecting to have kids that just love you and adore you, stop right now. Because your love tank is not going to be filled if you go into adoption, because it's your ministry and this is your life work, and you are going to just love on kids, and they are going to become your family. They'll love you back, too, but that can't be your expectation. You have to be okay if they don't ever get it." And they don't ever really? Yeah. And I was like, "Oh, okay." So John and I went into it with that mindset, and that truly saved us. I remembered that many times. And also at church, when they'd be like, we want you to do Sunday school. We want you to do this. And I was like, "I can't. I'm barely surviving with my kids at home." And I'm like, "This is my ministry." And those words really kept a lot of guilt off of me that sometimes just placed like, I should be ministering, I should be involved more, I should be doing more, I should be volunteering. And I'm like, I just don't have the house with my ministry, and so I think that if we go into adoption like that and I have amazing rewarding relationships with my kids, I adore them, but yeah, it's been a journey. It's hard and people, I don't know what else to say.

Dawn Taylor

No, but it totally is, right? So then another curveballs that got thrown your way that I know I've talked to friends about too, is all of a sudden, randomly, one day, the world decided to start doing Ancestry.com and 23 & Me and now you can. Actually find your birth families and find all your relatives, and all of a sudden, you had two children decide, "Hey, for Christmas, can we get these tests?" Yeah, let's talk about it, so we went into Reese's story and we won't go into the kids stories. I know three of your kids have met birth family.

Jill Rempel

Yes.

Dawn Taylor

One is not interested at all.

Jill Rempel

I know I have four kids that couldn't be any different. And so that's been part of the challenge, too, is they dealt with the trauma. They're so different.

Dawn Taylor

They're four completely polar opposite children.

Jill Rempel

And I love it.

Dawn Taylor

But, one has actually met like birth dad. One has no desire. One has met siblings even, and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. And that would be Reese that we talked to last episode. And then the third one has met like aunts and uncles and cousins and some people. But, birth mom has passed away and did prior to them having the opportunity to meet her. I mean, some of them had known her when they were little, but talk to me about you and John dealing with the fact that your kids because so many parents are scared of that, right? Like, what if they find their birth family and then they stop loving us or we're going to be replaced or whatever it is. How did you and John deal with that? A, when they wanted the testing in the first place and B, when all of a sudden they're like, "Oh, hey, want to come meet my family?"

Jill Rempel

I don't know. John and I have always been pretty open about the more people that love our kids, the better, if they're safe people, and especially with how hard parenting was and the different challenges that they faced. I truly, like, I joke sometimes that it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a metropolis to raise some of ours because we needed teams of people behind these kids to help them and thank God for these teams. That's what made all the difference. I'm very open to people in my kids' lives. We had hoped for more openness with their birth mum and due to safety, it was never really an option. At one point, they had wanted to do it and I would. They. the child. that really wanted to meet, it was really struggling emotionally and I was like, "Are you ready for what you might face?" So there's been a bit of, like, "What if this goes really badly? Are you going to be strong enough for that?" So any reservation that John and I had was related to them being able to cope with it, or are these safe people? Because it's opening up a lot to their lives.

Dawn Taylor

So much.

Jill Rempel

And you can't take it back, you can't be like, I'm going to unmute you. That's not going

to be a thing.

Dawn Taylor

Well, not knowing how the response would be.

Jill Rempel

Yeah, that's scary.

Dawn Taylor

That was probably the craziest. And so they did the ancestry. Yeah. We waited till our oldest was like, I was like, she's going to do this anyway. Let's just do this. And then our youngest one was doing well enough emotionally that we were like, "If the two of you do this

this together and John and I are part of it, then I think that this is okay." So, we did it and it started us on a wild journey. That's been very cool, actually. There's been no unsafe people. There's one birth sister that's not really or, yeah, birth sister that's not interested in meeting Reese, and Reese is like, "Oh, okay." But, I think there was enough positive response that they could deal with the negative. Not being able to meet their birth mom has been that was a big thing. They were really hoping they would be able to see her. So that was hard to watch them go through that because we didn't know she was deceased when this all started, and then finding out that Reese's birth dad had passed away. That was hard to watch them process, but the other family that is available has been very open, and I think it's filled in a lot of gaps for them, answered a lot of questions that they had.

Dawn Taylor

It has, it's been really interesting to watch. I'll never forget the look on Reese's face when he looked at me, was like, "That's where my bum chin comes from." And it was the cutest comment ever from this 16-year old kid who sounded like a child in that moment, being like, "Look, I see me in somebody, right?"

Jill Rempel

I know. And they're like, if you walk around that community, everybody would know you're part of that family because of that feature, right? How cool for a kid that's never looked like their family, right?

Dawn Taylor

And he's never felt that. So, for somebody who has adopted or who is considering adopted, is there any word of advice, resources, anything that you'd be willing to share to help them walk that journey?

Jill Rempel

I think. I mean, I was a very sweet, soft, passive person before I adopted my kids. It's a while to get grizzly bearish. And I'm quite a different person than I was in good ways, in bad ways. I swear more.

Dawn Taylor

Yes, you do.

Jill Rempel

Yes, I do. I'm more feisty, but I just be a grizzly bear. Fight for your kids. Don't be okay with the shitty answers that you get from people. There's usually somebody that knows, like, we finally got help when one of my kids committed a crime and we're doing youth probation and I'm like, "What? There's resources here that we needed when you were sick. Why are we doing this when you're 12 and 13?" And finally, all of sudden, these resources were available and they were life-changing and so had, I don't know, just like really fight, really search, be honest about how it's going. John and I tried. We hit a lot of what was happening. I don't know if it was due to shame or I think I felt like there's just nobody out there that can help this. This is too big. And so we tried. Yeah, but nobody knows how. All of our friends at that stage, we adopted our kids before they were even having kids. So we had a bunch of newly-married friends who had never parented, and all of a sudden Jill and John have these four kids that are screaming and yelling and it's very overwhelming and their behaviors are out of this world. Dylan, John are crying and nobody know what to do, and they look back now they have kids that are like, 10 and 11, and they're like, "Oh, my gosh, if we could go back, we would do things so differently." They just feel so bad for the lack of support they gave us, but doing exactly what their 23-year-old brain thought you should do. How do you know? So I know John, and I don't blame anybody. It's just yeah, so just fight for your kids. Fight for resources. Fight for them and get counselling for both of you. Not just for the kids.

Dawn Taylor

100%. And from an auntie's standpoint, just love those kids. Love them. Don't have any expectations. Have zero expectations on what the relationship could be or will be or what they're going to do. Just love them.

Jill Rempel

Yeah. And from an outsider, I would just say, just hold your judgment. If I need to feed my kids donuts every day, because that's the only way it gets into counselling, and they're overweight. I got them into counselling. You don't know what's going on. And those families just go up beside them. Do your best to support them and just really hold your judgment. Be very open to all the things.

Dawn Taylor

Chad and I've talked a lot about this, and I've talked publicly about this, too, with people over the years, over the last 17 years. I don't even know how many months we've had at least one of your children living with us.

Jill Rempel

I know, right? And the kids are like, "We go to Auntie Dawn and Uncle Chad's because we're bad." And I'm like, "Sometimes when mom and dad need respite, that's where you go."

Dawn Taylor

Sometimes it was and I'd say from an auntie and uncle standpoint, that was one of the coolest things that we decided to do is we were going to step up and love him as hard as he could. So it was like, do they need the–

Jill Rempel

Sometimes they were hard to love, right?

Dawn Taylor

It was like loving a porcupine with their quills out the whole time. But it was like, we made an extra effort to, "No, we're not just going to buy toys. We're going to buy clothes for these kids because their parents are struggling, and we need to help financially in that way." Or when we come visit, we're going to help do a clean sweep of the house, or we're going to help organize things, or we're going to help do things like that, because we can do that. We can do that from the outside because we're not in the middle of the PTSD of the raising of these kids. But also, we always said, you make a phone call, we will drive the 8 hours, pick them up and take them for a day, a week, a month, a year. Like, what do you need? And we did.

Jill Rempel

And you often talk about wanting to have your own kids, and I'm like, but you could not have been there for our kids that way had you had your own kids, and I'm glad you didn't have your own kids. That's what these kids needed was, like, co-parenting, tag teaming, and sometimes, yeah, you guys were a life-saver.

Dawn Taylor

Well, because we could, I mean, we made that choice. We made that choice that we're like, no, these are our babies, and how can we support? How can we support them because we know that this isn't a normal situation? I know times that you guys would come and visit us, and we'd be like, "Go to a hotel." and you'd be like, "What?" And be like, "Leave us with the four kids and just go. Just go." And you guys would be so nervous, and all of a sudden, we'd have these four little kids, and we'd figure it out.

Jill Rempel

Nobody died. Nobody.

Dawn Taylor

We may have had a child head dive through a laundry chute have at one point, and the screaming that ensued, and all of the adults running to make sure said child was alive and not dead. Thank God, there was a laundry pile on the bottom of the there was a laundry pile because I sucked it doing laundry and they landed in it and giggled. But, I mean, we survived and they survived. You know, sometimes, that's I think that that's what we needed. It's what you guys needed. So the kids needed was somebody to just step in and be like, "You know what? We'll figure this out. Go breathe."

Jill Rempel

Yeah. Another thing I wanted to touch on is a lot of people have been like, "Oh, you're so lucky to have the kids. You guys are so amazing, and the kids are so lucky to have you." And I clearly remember one of them coming home from school, "You're so lucky to be adopted." And they were like, "I'm not lucky to be adopted. Like, my family abandoned me, and this and this and this happened, and now I'm an adopted family. Like, lucky me." And I was like, "You're right. You are so right. In an ideal world, dad and I would have had birth babies, and you would be with your birth family, and we're taking two shitty situations, and we're trying to make something beautiful out of it, and I think we really need to watch her." You're so lucky. You're so lucky. You know, well, you're not lucky. You're adopted. Yes. I mean, we chose them, and we are so happy to have them, and they are lucky in a sense that they didn't grow up in a foster care system. They are lucky, but we got to be really, like, we need to address the grief and the loss at all levels of adoption and be okay with the field and the behaviors and the things that come out of that. They're real, and we can't just assume that everybody's just going to be okay.

Dawn Taylor

That's right there. That is so important. Jill, this was so fun. I hope that people listening to this got something out of it. Understand adoption a different way. Maybe need to apologize to someone in their life for how they responded or reacted or something that they've said. And you know what? It's no judgment, just curiosity. Like, we're all learning. We're all growing. We're all figuring this out, and it's just a matter of, I don't know, acknowledging it and learning from it to be like.

Jill Rempel

And we're all doing our best. I know adoptive families out there. I've had a few that have reached out to me recently that are really struggling, and they're just like, "I don't know what to do." I'm like, "You're doing your best. You are a super parent. It doesn't look great right now. You are messing up royally at times, but you are loving from a part of your being that you like." I don't know. It makes us better people. I think you and Chad are better people for having these kids in your life 100%. John and I, for sure are. Everybody that comes in contact with them is like, "They are amazing." I think they're more beautiful people because of what they've been through.

Dawn Taylor

They really, truly are. Okay, let's do the silly questions, and I'll let you get back to your day.

What is your secret guilty pleasure way to decompress?

Jill Rempel

Bath.

Dawn Taylor

Oh, my word. Yes. So many and so long.

Jill Rempel

Yeah, I could live in the bathtub when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm tired, when I'm mad, all those things. Yeah, I love that.

Dawn Taylor

For hours and hours and hours and hours and hours.

Jill Rempel

Like, I may read books and watch whole seasons of TV shows in the bathtub.

Dawn Taylor

You do?

Jill Rempel

And when the kids were struggling when they were little, be like, you just need to have a bath.

And I'm like, "I would like that, the best way to solve things."

Dawn Taylor

Yes. I very much agreed. In your world, the bath has always been your biggest, biggest thing. Describe yourself in one sentence or a few words. Everyone likes to break this one and just do what they want. How would you describe yourself?

Jill Rempel

Extroverted introvert. I am feisty now.

Dawn Taylor

You love really hard on your people.

Jill Rempel

I do. Sometimes I have to remember that I can't fix all the things.

Dawn Taylor

You're a big lover in that way. And what do you spend a silly amount of money on?

Jill Rempel

This is really hard for me because lately I've been really not spending a lot of money. But, I really like to shop, like packages, So I've been buying things that I could buy in town off Amazon just so that I can spend money online.

Dawn Taylor

Don't do that.

Jill Rempel

No, but I need it to fill my need. I bought dish towels and I bought syrup for my coffee. Like, I buy things that I would buy in town, but on Amazon, I can read the review, so I know if they're good. I'm not going to buy shitty towels.

Dawn Taylor

Oh, you are so funny. You're like Chad. He just likes to feel like it's Christmas all the time and there's packages.

Jill Rempel

But I can't justify buying I don't need right now because I need to save money. And then this isn't spending money, but I've been, like, squirrelling money into an account that John doesn't have access to. "Where did all the money go?" And it's not that I'm hiding it from him. I tell him what's in there, and he's like, "There's no money." "It's okay, it's over here. You just can't access it."

Dawn Taylor

That's so funny.

Jill Rempel

So, the money will all go missing, but it's like I put it in this account and I put it on the Visa, and I did that with it. So that's what I'm spending my money on right now.

Dawn Taylor

It's just a secret account.

Jill Rempel

Yes.

Dawn Taylor

That is amazing. I'm spending all my end on gardening supplies. Yeah, that's my problem.

Jill Rempel

I really haven't been buying much lately.

Dawn Taylor

Good job. Used to be candy and knitting and crocheting stuff.

Jill Rempel

Yes. Lots of crafting. Like, "Can I have candy?" And I'd say, "I don't have any." He'd be like, "Yeah, you do."

Dawn Taylor

You guys have, like, a rubber made bin of candy?

Jill Rempel

I always have candy, yeah. But John's diabetic now, so I really try to not, to limit that a little,

probably. Yeah.

Dawn Taylor

This was so fun. Thank you so much for hanging out with us today and, yeah, for being on the show. I hope for listeners, you guys heard something that hit home, shifted something in you, and proved that you're not alone, but also that you grew in some way. Join us again in two weeks for another amazing topic. You'll have to wait to find out what it is, because I don't know yet.

Jill Rempel

I am open to the people reaching out to me if they have questions.

Dawn Taylor

Yes. So we will put contact information for Jill in the Show Notes so that you can get access to her, if you want to talk to her or just pass on her information to somebody, please tell your friends if they need to listen to this episode or your family members. The more people that feel understood, the better. You can always check out the show notes located at thetaylorway.ca for more information, all the contact information for today's guest, and maybe we can get her to give us some resources. If there's, like, books or podcasts or anything like that that have helped her on her journey, we will put those there as well and subscribe now on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts. And if you love the show, it would mean the world if you left a rating or review. See you guys in a couple of weeks. Bye.

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