Dawn Taylor| 30/10/2023

Transcript

Dawn Taylor

Hello, hello. I'm your host, Dawn Taylor, and today we are talking to my person, my girl, my right hand wrangler of this shit show. Jenny, I have been asking Jenny forever if we could record this episode because she has a really different life story than a lot of people, but one that I think that we're all very interested by, curious by. We've seen portrayed in books and TV and movies and all of those things. But to get a very real, vulnerable inside perspective is something different. So topic today, military wife and mom behind the scenes. So before we get started, I'll tell you a little bit about her so that you can fall in love with her the way I have. Jenny is a mom. She's a wife, she's a coach, she's an avid outdoorsman. I've never met anybody who gives the way she does, loves as hard as she does, or shows up for people in her world the way that she does. She is a coach. She has her own podcast. She is just a little powerhouse and she's the person that keeps everything going in my little world. So welcome to the show, Jenny.

Jenny Ryce

Thanks for having me. The last time I was here, you thought you're interviewing me and I took it over and interviewed you.

Dawn Taylor

I know, and I was like, okay, that's fine, but we still have to interview you.

Jenny Ryce

You have to do the podcast.

Dawn Taylor

So I've watched the show Army Wives. We've all like, seen the book, read the book, seeing the TV, seeing the movies, whatever, where it portrays life as an army wife or a military wife. Right? Okay. For starters, can we differentiate what the terms are?

Jenny Ryce

Well, a lot of things are very different from American, to the US. So, military wives get lumped in. You know, there is a border difference just between terms in reference to skill sets, ranking all those kind of things from American to Canadian. So, I'm a Canadian military wife. So, let's start with that. So our you know our roles and lives are very, very different. I have never watched an episode of Military Wives. It's one of those things, or Army Wives, I just can't do it. Probably because it would, I don't know, I don't want to judge. I haven't watched it, but I've seen like some of those Housewives shows and I can't handle watching people treat each other that way on TV. It makes me wild.

Dawn Taylor

So to watch, okay, so avoid it. It would also probably trigger you a little. Right? So you were not just a military wife of how many years has it been?

Jenny Ryce

So my husband and I, we've been very fortunate to be married for well, I always say I've been dating my boyfriend for 31 years and we've been married for 29, so we hit the 30, will be 30 years married next year, so, or in 2024 depending on when you happen to be listening to this episode. So we're we're very fortunate. You know, I'm one of the OG wives when we go to reunions and that there's the OG wife group and then there's the, you know, the ones that didn't make it, right. They're just as lovely, don't get me wrong. But there's only a handful of us that are OGs, for sure.

Dawn Taylor

Well, I'm hearing the little bit that I've heard about what life was like through all of those years where he was deployed and all of that. I can see why. I can see why there aren't very many of the OGs. But, you're not just that. You also have two adult daughters that are also in the Army.

Jenny Ryce

Yes. Okay. So these are some terms that we could we could share. Forgot to answer your question. See I'm not a very good guest. I'm great at interviewing, but I'm not a very good guest. So when we think of military, military is like the umbrella. So, the Canadian Armed Forces, the umbrella is military and there's elements within the military. So, my husband is Army, there's Air Force and then there's Navy. So my daughters are Navy, my husband's army. And actually, not only is my daughter's Navy, my nephew is Navy as well as my son in law is Navy. So we have a bit of a legacy going on. And yeah, we cornered the market in the Navy. And of course, there's always these jokes at the table about Army versus Navy, etcetera, etcetera. It was like, "How did I produce Navy? I'm Army." I'm like, "Honey, they didn't want to be in a trench. Come on now."  So that that might help, so yeah. Overall encompassing military. If you say military you're covered.

Dawn Taylor

Hey, this is very good to know because how many times if I even said it wrong and you've explained this to me and I'm like, "Okay, sorry." Which one is the overarching umbrella one again? Okay. So, listeners, Canadian, if you were Canadian, it is just say military, just a military. They won't be too offended.

Jenny Ryce

Well in, you know we definitely, it's to Google it. There's just so much information about but also to within each element there's specific traits. So, my husband was a combat engineer. And what that meant is he's an explosive ordnance disposal expert. So, for those of you I've never watched the movie because I couldn't watch it with him because I knew he'd be like, "It doesn't do that. It doesn't." Anyway, watching movies where things blow up with your husband when he's an explosive expert kind of wrecks everything. So I know what doesn't blow up a certain way and what does move a certain way. So he's a mind specialist and an explosive specialist. So, there's every single element has different skill sets. So, in the Navy my daughters are one is a logistics officer and the other is an image technician. So, very different skill sets. But they're all under elements. So, just say military, it's easier.

Dawn Taylor

So, been knowing your husband's like the bomb guy and the bomb guy. The explosions guy. So let's talk about, like, I have so many questions. I'm guessing you know this, but. when you first met him, was he in the military?

Jenny Ryce

Yes. And it's so fascinating because I, so he lived in a military town. My grandparents lived in a military town, and I actually came to the live in the military town. Usually, when there's a base there, they call it a military town. In reality, there's a lot of other things that go on into town. In a town like Edmonton, there's more than just the military base in Edmonton. However, you know, when you're in the military world, it's the military town. So, I had never dated somebody in the military, you have to realize too, I was 20 years old when I met my husband. I was young, very young. I'd never dated anyone in the military. Didn't know the difference between dating somebody in the military and not dating anyone in the military. So, he was actively, he was relatively new. He had just come back from being in Kuwait the first time for I call it Bush one, Bush one, and Bush two. So he was in the wheat in 91, and he had just come back and we had met and we hit it off like a house on fire. He was like instantly my best friend.

Dawn Taylor

And hey, you guys, really quick. Yeah. Really quick. Her husband looks exactly like Shane on the last season of Love is Blind. Like, exactly like him. Okay, I'm not posting photos because he's real private, but you guys need to know that just you have a mental image as you're hearing this, okay? Keep going.

Jenny Ryce

So, yeah. So apparently that's what Dawn thinks. 1.2s So that's what he looks like

Dawn Taylor

Or Val Kilmer.

Jenny Ryce

When we were dating. Yeah. He looked like Val Kilmer from Top Gun. The first round. The OG of Top Gun and occasionally now he gets the John Dunn reference. But anyway, so I think my husband's a babe but that's, that's you know you guys can decide yourselves. So, yeah, I didn't know anything about dating a military person and okay can we talk about this term that people tell you? "You knew what you were doing." Nobody knows what they're getting into. Nobody knows. How can you know if you don't know? Right. I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know what being married or dating a soldier looked like or what that meant. So everybody, please, I beg you, not only give yourself grace, but give other people grace. Nobody knows what they're doing till they're in it. And even then, 90% of us are just scraping through and trying to figure it out to begin.

Dawn Taylor

How true is that?

Jenny Ryce

So yeah, I had and because I didn't live in said town, I grew up in a large city. I had no idea. I didn't know anything about dating a military guy. I just knew that we were like fast friends, and we had so many of the same interests, and I was madly in love with him. And it, like, it was one of those sparks, right? That hits. And I would move. I would move mountains for him. And I knew it. And I still I still feel that way today, which is really cool. It's not been easy though.

Dawn Taylor

Anyone who's been married for like six weeks, I'm like, "No, no, no." Yeah. It's not easy if we've survived this long. We've been through hell and back.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah. You've done you've slogged through the mud. Yeah, yeah. You've literally dug a trench or something.

Dawn Taylor

Like we've been in the trenches at this point. Yeah.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, totally.

Dawn Taylor

I do love that we both still love our husbands so much. Yeah. It's one of the coolest things of working with you is like, we just have this bond over that,

Jenny Ryce

Which is fortunate because I know in this day and age we're rare. We're very blessed.

Dawn Taylor

So rare.

Jenny Ryce

And when I say that, I say it. You know, with immense pride. But I also know it's a lot of work, like my husband's my job. He's one of my jobs. You know, I say this often, especially to my young ladies. And, you know, my oldest is in a relationship and married recently is. We spend our whole lives being trained on things. We go to school to be trained. We get a job, we get trained, we buy a car, we have a manual, all those kind of things. We are never educated and trained on how to be a good spouse, or how to be a good friend, or how to be a good daughter. None of that. It's all like, "Hey, you should just figure this out. So it's, being in a relationship is a lot of work. And if you don't put work in, you know, I always say the grass that you fertilize is green. People like, you know, it might look shiny and beautiful often, you know, over that other fence. But I tell you what, there's crab weed in that sucker, too. When you get up close, if you don't pay attention.

Dawn Taylor

I love that you say that because I often say the grass is only greener on the other side because there's a lot of shit there.

Jenny Ryce

It's true though, you don't like the good stuff, right? You take your time, you weed your garden, you nurture, do those kind of things. But be kind to yourself too, in relationships because you're learning. And one thing that I've learned is to remind myself and Scott and I work really hard on that, is to remember that we're tackling the problem together. It's not us against each other. It's like, "Okay, this is our problem. What do we need to do to tackle the problem?" Don't get me wrong, it took time to get to that process and to learn that. But again, I said I was so young, like, Scott and I grew up together. We built a life together, and if I look at my age now, I'm 52 and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm pretty proud of that. When I look at my life, he's been in my life longer than out of my life, if that makes sense. Right? So it's one of the gifts of digging in for the long haul is, you know, you learn the little things, you learn the this the smiles, you learn, you learn the "Oh, that's pissed him off." You don't mean nothing has to be said in this moment.

Dawn Taylor

I had one of those this morning where I was talking to a friend here for coffee, and I was like, "I should upgrade his seat on the plane for his trip he's on next week." And I was like, "Nah." And she's herself. And she goes, "Really?" I was like, "No, I'm mad at him." She's like, "Isn't he like 6'2''?" I was like, "Yeah." She's like, "You're going to make him suffer." I was like, "When we check him in on Sunday, I'll decide." She just started laughing. See where we're at. I know I was like, we'll see where we're at Sunday. All right, so you just come back. We're going to do, actually, an entire podcast. We're going to convince my husband to do an entire podcast with me where we're going to talk what it's actually like to be married and in a relationship that long. But, like the good, the bad, the ugly, the stuff that most people would probably be shocked that one of us will say, we're going to go there, we're going to fully go there. That's going to be coming out. Depending on when you're listening to this in the new year, it'll be in the new year in 2024.

Jenny Ryce

2024, depending when you're listening.

Dawn Taylor

Yes, 2024. But let's get back to this. So, you guys meet, you fall in love. And what does life look like?

Jenny Ryce

You know what? Life is actually really blissful. I mean, except for the fact that all of a sudden I'm in love with this man I never see because he's away all the time. That was a really hard adjustment, was, you know, figuring out, like, "Oh my gosh, I never see him because he was away quite a bit on training."

Dawn Taylor

What do you mean by away quite a bit? Like, what does that look like? Because for some people, being away from their spouse for a weekend is too much. I remember one time when Chad was gone for seven months and only home for three days in seven months, and I was like, "Yeah, that was a hard one." And people were like, shook by that. So for definition's sake, what does that look like when he was gone a lot?

Jenny Ryce

So I figured it out. I did the math once, and I would say for the first ten years of our relationship, he was gone eight months every year on average is kind of how it worked. Yeah, a lot. So he was either away training. He was either way overseas in a support role, whether UN peacekeeper or, you know, doing mind clearing. He was part of the ice storm going in and cleaning up that and helping with that. So, just, yeah, away a lot which can be, that's part of the stuff. When people say you knew what you were doing when you got on board, it's like, "No, no, I really didn't." You know, you don't know what you don't know. So, that was part of the challenging thing. It's interesting because I made a commitment when we when we started dating. When he asked me to marry him, which he came, he didn't want to ask me to marry him, which I didn't realize, of course, until he got back. When he got back from deployment, he was over in Bosnia and he got back in '92, and he asked me to marry him. And he's like, "I didn't want to ask you before I left in case something happened to me." Which unfortunately, in his line of work, if you make a misstep

Dawn Taylor

You don't get second chances.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, things don't go well. And unfortunately, we have suffered loss and and experience that firsthand. And it's challenging. So, when he asked me to marry him, I was like, "Hell yeah!" I said, "But only if you're in this for the long haul." I come from my parents, separated when I was six years old, and I wanted to be, I did not want to follow in that pattern, that footstep. So, I was like, "If you're all in, I'll do it with you. But we have to be all in." And he too comes from a split family and was like, "Yeah, we're only doing this once." So, I don't know if it was naivety or if it was, like, pure will or arrogance or what, but I was like, "I'm never getting divorced."

Dawn Taylor

I'm gonna say probably a combo of all of right. Knowing you, probably a combo of all of these.

Jenny Ryce

I'm like, I'm pretty frickin' stubborn and I'm I'm pretty driven and have high standards for myself. So I was like, no, this is this is a non-negotiable. Like, if you're my person, I've picked you and I'm in. And ine thing that was really hard about the separation, and I know you didn't ask this question, but I want to share it. One of the things that was hard, but also looking back from who I am today. It gave me space to become me. If that makes sense.

Dawn Taylor

100% it does.

Jenny Ryce

Right? So, because I was in this really deep relationship at a very young age. I could have easily swallowed myself up into that relationship, which in truth, I did. But, because we had those gaps in time, I had to really dig in and figure out who I was. And I had to be strong because like I said, you know, we did experience loss and trauma and and it isn't like, your husband just goes away and or your spouse or your loved one or your children or whoever it is, they don't just go away and go to work. And my husband is climbing around a minefield. Right? That's not a normal day at work for the average person.

Dawn Taylor

No.

Jenny Ryce

And so there's high risk. And you hear things on the news and it makes you, like, literally become paralyzed in fear because you're praying that the names you hear aren't your people. Whether it's your loved one, your best friends, whoever it is.

Dawn Taylor

So can we talk about that for a sec?

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, absolutely. 

Dawn Taylor

So, Jenny and I were talking about this a little while ago. We were discussing, you know, data recording and stuff, and I said, "I wonder what most people don't realize is this is pre-cell phone, pre-emails, pre-FaceTime." Like, guys, this is pre-all of that.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, it was rough.

Dawn Taylor

All of that. And so, it's not like it is today where you're talking like your daughter can talk to her husband every day. And, they have cell phones like a Skype. And they can FaceTime and they can do all these things. Right? It's it was a completely different world. So, not only were you. I mean, of all the roles to have in the military, the guy that takes care of the bombs, right? The bomb guy. I'm going to just call him the bomb guy.

Jenny Ryce

He loves that. That's great.

Dawn Taylor

Okay. It's not the official name because I can't remember it ever. But, like, the bomb guy, that, when you watch the news, which we all know is not. always factual - is that a politically correct way to put it?

Jenny Ryce

You learn that real quick.

Dawn Taylor

You learn that super fast. Even back in '92. Right? But what was it even like to communicate with him? And when he did go for deployment, how long was he gone?

Jenny Ryce

So, he would, generally speaking, they would have to go anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks for pre-deployment training. So, they would take them to wherever, which obviously wasn't at home. And they would simulate and experience scenarios. et cetera, to be overseas. And then then he would come home, he would maybe have 2 or 3 weeks off and then it would deploy for six months at minimum usually. And in that scenario, we would get in the middle of the six weeks, six months. Part of me, he would get two weeks off. And whether I would come to him or he would come to me, we would get a two week vacation in between to connect. And then that would happen. So, I'm just thinking of this week. We got married in April, and then 20 days later he deployed overseas and

Dawn Taylor

Wow.

Jenny Ryce

So that was, you know, rough.

Dawn Taylor

And how far in advance do you hear about deployments, like, how much?

Jenny Ryce

Put it this way, we were supposed to be getting married in July and we had to reschedule. We had everything booked, planned, organized, and we rescheduled the wedding for April. And it turned out to be the most beautiful, small, well, small. I mean, 120 people turned out to be absolutely beautiful wedding. Nothing like we had planned and it was totally meant to be. So, you can, depends on the situation. Like, I was putting a roast on the table when the ice storms happened and he got a call and was gone an hour later. Deployment. Because of the pre training and all of that, we usually have a few months' notice.

Dawn Taylor

Oh okay.

Jenny Ryce

It could even be up to a year. It just depends on what's happening in theaters, what is another term, it's in theater. So depending on you know what the scenario is. And obviously this is a while ago. So, things have changed. Things are, you know, especially with the news and the media and things like that. But, back then, to make a long distance phone call just like normal to my family was $2 a minute. I mean, we were young, we had no money. So it's like you didn't, don't get me wrong, they didn't charge us in the military to get a phone call from them. That was not, I don't want that to be. But in those days, every ten days we would get, he would get a ten-minute phone call privilege. We never knew when it was coming. We never knew what time. And we never knew what day. And I can't even tell you when you miss the phone call what that felt like, because of course, you'd get a voicemail of "Hey." Because, back then you had the machine that you push the button and you go to voicemail. So, it was like a tape recorder.

Dawn Taylor

Little answering machines.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, but if we were fortunate enough to be home and get the call, it was absolutely magical and there'd be a delay. So you'd have to pause so the words would come through, and then so you wouldn't talk over top of each other. And we would always time it because the phone cut off at ten minutes. So, it didn't matter if you were in mid-thought or anything. You got ten minutes and when your time was up, it was up.

Dawn Taylor

Wow.

Jenny Ryce

And so there was nothing worse than not getting to say goodbye. So we always cut it, like 30 seconds short so that we could say goodbye. And at the time, that felt like such a gift, right? Because. So, I wrote him a letter every single night. Every single night. I wrote him a letter. And I would bulk send them and I did that up like pretty much every single tour he's ever been on. I wrote a letter every single night about what was happening, because communication didn't start really changing until near the end of his retirement. And then, you could email, I mean, that wasn't even an option back then. Like you couldn't even email. I mean, girl, I lived without a cell phone. Like, we didn't have those years. Yeah, we didn't have a cell phone when we were married. That didn't, those didn't exist. You had a house phone. And if you really like, with it, you had call waiting so two people could call you at the same time. That was it, right? So yeah, communication was challenging. It was challenging. But I'll tell you, nothing held you together like those ten minutes, telling you it was worth every second of it. But, when you got home and you missed that call, I'm telling you, nothing hit you harder in the gut than missing that phone call. It was gold. That phone call was gold.

Dawn Taylor

Now you wait another ten days.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, and that's providing something isn't happening that they can't call.

Dawn Taylor

Yeah. So funny question. How did he decide who to call? Because, like, I'm guessing his mom wanted a phone call once in a while or, you know, someone like that.

Jenny Ryce

I was very fortunate. He was really close with his dad, and I was really close with his dad. So his dad knew that I was Scott's person for life, and I would just immediately phone and give all the updates, like, this is what he said. And occasionally when I couldn't answer, they got the call and they knew it and they were okay with it and they understood. But, you know, those are, parents are supposed to do that, right? They're supposed to understand. So, I was very fortunate that, yeah, his dad was one of my best friends. He was exceptional. I was very lucky. Very lucky that way.

Dawn Taylor

It's amazing.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah.

Dawn Taylor

So deployments are happening. How often was he deployed?

Jenny Ryce

He was deployed, so what kind of tend to work out is he would deploy, this is an average okay. Like every other year, because of course he'd have to come home, he'd come home, and then there'd be courses that he would need to take, which of course were never in town. So, he would have to go to different posting locations for six months or eight months or two months or whatever for training in different areas to advance his his skill set and his career and things like that. So yeah. The deployments, if they were happening, were, you know, every other year, every couple of years, those kind of things, it really just depends. Unfortunately, the world was kind of really messy. I mean, it still is. Let's be real. But at the time in my life, when I was going through it, it was kind of messy back then. So, yeah. Yeah. So he was gone a lot, a lot. I remember. You know when one of the days when it was really hard asking myself like. "I am madly in love with a man that I never see. Is my life better with him or without him?" And it was. The answer was always, it's better with him. So the heartache when you can check that balance to that, it's like, "No, this is just, this is where I tap into my resilience and figure out who I am." And, you know. And figure it out. Like, you know, I've got to be okay in this. I've got to thrive in this. And what's cool now is my husband's in my life because I want him here, not because I need him. I figured out real quick, real young as a single quote-unquote single mom. Which of course, no disrespect to single moms out there. They work really hard. But I was I kept woman because my husband, even though I was single, was my husband. I still wasn't alone. Do you know what I mean? But I was alone a lot. Um. I could do anything. You ask me, I can do it. You tell me on. I'll figure it out. Like, the only reason I don't know is because I don't know yet. Yeah. Having to move. Have no friends or family. The middle of some town.

Dawn Taylor

Okay, so let's talk about the logistics of this. So you get married, he deploys within months or within a month.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah.

Dawn Taylor

He's gone. How long was he gone? That first time?

Jenny Ryce

He was gone six months. They actually, the local newspaper did a did an article on us because back then, of course, newspaper was huge. And yeah, they, we were they did a complete article and then actually for a wedding gift or an anniversary gift, it was because it was after the wedding and anniversary gift. They came. I didn't realize they were at the, when he came home from that deployment. Okay. You want to talk, you know, have you ever had that feeling in your body where you tears come out of your face and you can't even stop it? Like, you're just like, your body just is, like, in release because you have, you don't know how much stress or fear or all those things you've held until that person, that bus came around the corner with them all loaded on it. And my face I couldn't, like. I wasn't even sobbing. It was just like pouring out of my face. And of course, what looks better than a young 21 year old?

Dawn Taylor

Let's hope you were a Kim Kardashian cryer.

Jenny Ryce

I was super popular with the paparazzi, and I don't even remember seeing them. All I remember is seeing him and grabbing him and not letting go. And when I think back, I remember seeing flashes because of course, back then it was all about flashing bulbs and all those kind of things. So, that was six months. That was a long haul. It was a long haul. I did get to go over and see him. We did our honeymoon in Greece. We met in Rome and that was the most beautiful two weeks. It was so incredible. But, it was really hard to say goodbye. Really, really hard to say goodbye. But, I'm so thankful for that opportunity. That was, again, something afforded to us from the military. We had to pay to go and all that kind of but we were given the opportunity and and military life is pretty amazing. If you if you align with the right friends and the right people and of course, the right spouse, right? Life is amazing if you align with the right spouse.

Dawn Taylor

But yeah, so he comes back six months, seven months into marriage, he comes back again because it's what we see on TV and reading books and magazines and everything else. I remember watching Army Wives, that's what I'll equate it to, because I always found that show so interesting and thinking like, "How would I react in those moments?"

Jenny Ryce

And I'll watch it just because I didn't even know it existed.

Dawn Taylor

It's very interesting, but it's.though, you know, there's all the different storylines. You know, some guys come back and they're fine. They're like, nope, that's Army. And now I'm home and it's like a light switch is flipped and they just get back to life and other guys come home and they have such complex PTSD and trauma and they don't know how to cope, and they don't know how to step back into civilian life, and they don't know how to deal with that without breaking any of his confidence, obviously, out of respect for Scott, because it's his story, is that something you had to deal with?

Jenny Ryce

You know what's so fascinating? And I think this is a statement that covers everybody. Nobody goes on deployment and comes back the same. Yeah. Nobody does. And I was super blessed to not only have Scott in my life, but I had some incredible inherited brothers because of Scott, some of my best friends. Actually, my house was a revolving door, so if Scott was overseas, all the buddies were over at the house like, and I was kind of their sister confidant. Nobody comes back from a tour without something. They never come back the same.

Dawn Taylor

There's no way. There's no way.

Jenny Ryce

There's no freaking way. Some, like you say, come back with it. Better equipped to compartmentalize the challenge. With that as an adult grown-up, now when you compartmentalize and you shove things in a box, we all know that that box blows up eventually. No pun intended, but maybe a little.

Dawn Taylor

I like to play on words. Yeah. Well done, well done. Jenny.

Jenny Ryce

Um, so what I learned because I was a safe home for so many that went overseas and came back is that I just had to create a space for conversation and because everybody came back different, if that makes sense, and everybody handled it in different ways. I had friends that were contemplating suicide. I had friends that were had attachment issues. I had friends that were couldn't go out in public and then I had friends who life's a party, and they were just living their best life at the time. I know this is kind of like a loose answer to your question. The key that I learned is create safe space, no judgment, and just allow people to share their stories and love on them. Because we're all put in situations. And again, I've heard people say, they say this about firemen and police officers and. It's like, well, they're paid to go into that burning building. They're paid to stand in front of that gun. If you seriously believe that, I challenge you to do what they do. I challenge you to crawl through a minefield. I challenge you and you tell me. That is an inherent part of a human being that isn't in everybody? I'm a wife and a mom and a best friend to these type of individuals. I cannot climb through a minefield. No, I can't do it. There's no fricking way. And I'm telling you, I can do pretty much anything I put my mind to.

Dawn Taylor

No, but it takes a different personality and a different mindset and a different everything to be able to do that.

Jenny Ryce

To be willing to switch off your own life value, survival mode so that you save someone else. Like their stories. I don't know if I'm able to share, but, and I won't with detail because for obvious reasons, but I know of stories where people that I care about deeply and not just my husband, but people I care about deeply that risked their lives to save people they don't even know. Yeah, children they don't know and they're not mandated to do it. It's not like they were ordered to do it. They did it anyway. That is a powerful, like, if you ask me, I'm proud to be a Canadian. Hell, yes. Yeah, because our Canadian soldiers, men and women are exceptional human beings. Are they broken? Unfortunately. It's the job. Unfortunately, it's a job. You can't see and experience that kind of trauma and expect to come out unscathed might not show up for 30 or 40 years, but it shows up always, always shows up. It always shows up and it changes your trajectory. I look at my life, oh my word. Did I ever think I was going to live in like four different provinces have two kids, one in B.C. and one in New Brunswick? I have a nine year gap between my girls. They were supposed to be two years apart. Like, I could never have predicted any of that and I wouldn't change a thing. It's so many things.

Dawn Taylor

So, a couple of things I want to talk about is kids. So your husband had a very. I don't know if different, but he had a different idea on what was and was not appropriate, on how and when and where and what and everything when it came to your kids, which is what resulted in the nine year gap.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah. So Scott was seriously like he knew because of his job. He's missing things in our our lives, right? Like, I can't remember how many anniversaries, he's missed or my birthdays or those kind of things, but we had lots of friends that missed the birth of their children. And he was like, "I don't care what happens. I am never missing my children coming into this world." And so hence the nine year gap you kind of got.

Jenny Ryce

You got a plan.

Dawn Taylor

Try planning around a deployment that could change or not change. So we, you know, we we thought we had the cycle figured out. He was set to deploy. We're like "Okay." You know and of course everything has to align. You don't just like tick the box and you're pregnant, right? Like, you know, things have to align and we we're we're like, "Okay, so this is the time bracket that we'll start trying etcetera, etcetera for number two." And we're like just coming up onto that time frame which would give, like, because of course it's got to work. Then you got to have, you got to, like, make the baby grow. Yeah, there's the timeline.

Dawn Taylor

There is.

Jenny Ryce

And then so he, in theory, should have been home when our second was born. So, they all of a sudden - nope. Deployment's cancelled. You're not going. You're slated on the next one. So, I was like, okay, no matter what we do here, you're not going to be home if we follow this, this path.

Dawn Taylor

Yeah.

Jenny Ryce

So, before you know it, I don't know how many tours later, we're living in New Brunswick and. We're at a nine year gap, and I'm pregnant with baby number two at 33. So, because I was having my kids young, right? I had my first at 25. I wanted them young so that I can enjoy them and be fitful. You know what I have to say? This nine year gap thing, it rocks. People need to try this more often. I'm telling you, there's something magical about it because I raised my oldest, young, outgoing. Not that I'm not going now, but young and and free-spirited and all this kind of stuff. And then I have this mature wisdom about me for number two, although I do feel a bit, you know, that you see those memes. It's like the first broke the pathway for the young one to get away with everything. I'm like, "How could she not?" There's a nine year gap. Like, dude wasn't the same woman back then. Like, I'm like, "I'm sorry, kiddo. Yes, this was you." And it's interesting. The girls were raised completely different. This is the wildest part. So, our oldest lived the military experience. Her dad was away. Substantially, quite a bit. Missed a lot of the firsts. Actually. He only missed one of her birthdays, ironically enough.

Dawn Taylor

Wow.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, only the first one, which she didn't know anyway, so we're fine with it. He knew it. It was hard for him, but I'm like, "She doesn't even know, it's fine." And you know, she lived, she moved, I think, five different times. And then our youngest moved three different provinces by the time she was two and lived in three different homes, we moved to our final home, her dad has been home every single night except for the odd vacation or weekend or work thing. Totally raised completely different. Not only her parents older than her sister experience like older. She's never moved. She's lived in the same house, very different upbringings. So when people say, "Oh no, they've been raised the same." Hell no. No such cocky pop. Like, "No, they are totally different kids. Totally different, totally different." It's like, "Holy smokes." Yeah, they definitely. the military term? I'm not a fan of it. Military brat. She's definitely the military brat. And Mikayla is just the military kid as far as I'm concerned, because she, yeah, very different, very different. And I was young, like, when I had - I was 25. I mean, that's not young, but in today's standards that's young.

Dawn Taylor

Oh it is. Yeah. But it is like it is young. But especially knowing you're walking into really single parenting for eight out of 12 months.

Jenny Ryce

Well, and I didn't know that this is the thing, you know that's true.

Dawn Taylor

Yeah. You didn't know that.

Jenny Ryce

And the crazy thing was at the time, the base we were at, we thought we'd be at that base because there was different positions he could hold within the base in his career. We thought we'd be at that base for years, of course, which was close to my family. I'm an identical twin right next, not next door, but an hour away from my twin, and the government decided to close the base. Scott was away. I had just moved us into our very first home that we bought. And I got this announcement that they're closing the base, and he phones me from a ditch somewhere in the prairies, and I'm like, crying. He's like, "What the hell's the matter?" And I'm like, "They're closing the base. We have to move." And he's like, "What?" And he's like, "I'll call you back." And that was one of the calls that I let them hang up from. I was like, yeah, the hell. Sure enough, the government had decided that they no longer needed the base where we lived. And so, unbeknownst to me, you know, we've just moved in and I have a baby on the way. All the things and I have to move away from my family and my support network with a six month old baby to your neck of the woods from the coast. And I'm like, I cried basically from the moment I left my dad because we'd been visiting. I left my dad's house, waved at my twin. I cried from that doorstep to the Alberta border. And I remember looking at that Alberta border and I said to myself, "Okay, sunshine. You got to toughen up. This is it. This is your life. Take it. Take it and run with it." And I had to, you know, being a 52 year old, I was told to shake it off, I don't know. I'm just a kid. Just shake it off, kid. So there's something super unhealthy about that.

Dawn Taylor

Parents in the 70s and 80s. Reason I have a job.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, exactly. Shake it off. And. Yeah. Moved to Edmonton with a brand new baby. And what was interesting is we were really close knit group, the engineers, and then we moved to Edmonton because it was so vast. Everybody spread out. So, everything we knew changed. We didn't have our social network that we were used to. We didn't have our friends and family that we were used to. It was very, very isolating, actually. And then we moved. We bought a house after 2 or 3 months living in the PMQs, which is the private military quarters, which you do pay for, by the way, people have these weird senses that the Canadian military gets all the free stuff. No, you pay for it. I'm just saying it's not your wage. Yeah, out of your wage. We pay for it. And it was fascinating because we moved into this cute little house in October. Maybe we moved in September. Yeah, we moved in in September and he went overseas in October. Well, I grew up in a big city. And you don't tell people that you're a single person by yourself, especially if you're a woman. So, I really had never experienced snow fall. And it was 1996. And if you look it's one of the biggest snowfalls on record for Alberta, Edmonton at the time

Dawn Taylor

Which is just lovely, just lovely.

Jenny Ryce

So I'm a B.C., B.C. girl from the coast and I've got yeah, I've got my, my brand new baby wrapped to me and I'm out there shoveling. And so, funny story, the neighbors. So I spent all winter out there, either at midnight shoveling when she was in bed or clearing all this snow. And we'll never forget when Scott came home and he was chatting the neighbors up because he had met them when they left. But I never said anything, so I didn't even think all these men and women on the streets are like, "What the hell is wrong with this guy? Like, he is an absolute jerk. Like, she's out there with this baby by herself doing all the shoveling." And so they thought they had no idea because I wouldn't say a word. And they thought he was just some absolute deadbeat. So? So when he's mowing the lawn, because of course, he left in October. Comes back in spring. Of course it was melted. And he's out there mowing the lawn and he's talking about the tour he's been on and blah, blah, blah. And they were all mortified that they didn't take the initiative. But, I wasn't going to tell them I was by myself. And yeah, so everyone thought he was a total jerk face until they realized he'd been overseas.

Dawn Taylor

That is so funny, right?

Jenny Ryce

Like, yeah. So when in doubt, you guys, if you see somebody and something seems off, ask them if they need something.

Dawn Taylor

Always.

Jenny Ryce

Like, I think of the hours I had to go out there in the dark. To deal with things by myself. Yeah, which is fine. I mean, again, I realize how powerful it makes you when you dig in, right? When you dig in deep and allow yourself to feel the stuff. Like, I was sad. There's a lot of times when I was in Edmonton for the first time. I was lonely, I was sad, I was in culture shock. No offense. Edmonton is flat and I was contained by mountains my whole life and the ocean. I grew up with my parents building a sailboat where they were pregnant with my twin and I. So like, I was in shock of where I was culturally, which sounds really weird because it's just a province away, but it was so foreign to me the first night and I ended up in Warrenville. Actually, I didn't even know where I was. We were at friend's house sleeping in Warrenville, and I cried myself to sleep. I was like, all I could hear was the highway. I was like, "What the hell, where am I?" That's awful.

Dawn Taylor

When we moved from BC, we always joked that like, our webbed feet dried out and we stopped being, like claustrophobic. But we almost felt the opposite for the longest time. Yes. When we got to Alberta, we were like. "This is not safe.".

Jenny Ryce

There's no boundaries.

Dawn Taylor

Like. It felt so weird to, like, be forever and drive forever. And directions were weird because you couldn't spatially, like, distance yourself to the hills. It was very weird. Like, I know the exact feeling you're talking about because moving here was so strange in that way.

Jenny Ryce

Except for the sky is so big, which I love that that is really cool. I remember feeling, which is a weird way to describe. I would say to people I feel claustrophobic, but in the opposite way, because there's nothing to ground myself like, yeah, I feel like I'm in that horror movie where you're running and then you flip and you're in the same spot again, like it was wild.

Dawn Taylor

It's a different feel. It is a very different feel that if you haven't done it, you you can't understand. But don't feel wrong.

Jenny Ryce

We loved our time in Alberta. It was amazing. We eventually built really beautiful roots and met some incredible people. But that first little bit was like, "Oh my gosh, where am I?" And I'm alone, right? I'm alone.

Dawn Taylor

So did you have your own career, your own schooling, your own training? Were you doing anything or was it, "No. I'm a military wife and I have to." Because really, you didn't know if you were moving or if a base was closing or if the deployments were happening or any of those things. I know, just I mean, not married to a military person, but married to someone who's schedule's different every single day.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah.

Dawn Taylor

We spent years where he might be gone for a month. We'd get a phone call and he's home for two days. And it felt like it was almost like a responsibility. But also, let's be honest, something I wanted to do because he's my best friend and my husband and my lover and he's my everything, right? That I would drop everything.

Jenny Ryce

Everything.

Dawn Taylor

And so even now, even now that he's home way more often, if he's like, "Hey, can we hang out?" Like it doesn't matter. It does not matter. I'm like, the world falls away and all attention goes to him. Because that was our life for so many years. So, in this, you're building up this powerful way, in this resilience and these muscles and this, like, super crazy independence. So how did that work with, like, your own identity around having a career, having a job, having anything like that, but also that bounce back and forth between really single parenting and now co-parenting and that whole thing because, I mean, even in, so for Alberta, the oil field industry. Right? You talked to so many parents that struggle because it's like, "No, no, no. Like we have our boundaries and our rules and our systems and our processes and our schedules and everything is one way." And then dad comes home or mom comes home and it kind of throws all of it out the window, and it's all chaotic and exciting and fun and make it amazing. And that parent doesn't want to do the punishing, and that parent doesn't want to have to follow the strict rules, and that parent just wants to play. Right? So with both of those, how did you adjust to that?

Jenny Ryce

Well, why don't we talk about like the coming home part with the kids? Because that is such. And I think it's an important thing for any parent. It doesn't matter where you're going if you go away for a period of time. You need to, okay, so yeah, I'm going to share a little bit about the coming home because this is this can happen for any family. You don't have to be military. This is like a real thing. So many people work in travel nowadays. I had, we had a few house rules. My husband when he came home. His job was to be Dad. That's it. He was not allowed to discipline. He was not allowed to set rules. He was not allowed to have opinions. None of the things. He got to be a guest with our daughter and just enjoy her and be immersed in her. Because what's fascinating, when you go for a long period of time with a little person, they leave, you leave in there one way and you come home, they're another..

Dawn Taylor

Oh, 100%.

Jenny Ryce

So it's kind of like amnesia

Dawn Taylor

So fast.

Jenny Ryce

So, he would leave and she was crawling. He comes home and she's walking up and down stairs and he's freaking out. And I'm like, "Okay, so here's the deal. You have to trust that I have ensured that she's capable of what she's doing to this point.: So, his job was just to immerse himself in her and what was happening. So, that and that was like a two week period. So, if he was home for leave, that was two weeks. And he was just here to have fun and be with her and be with us. And yes, everything went, when your man comes home or your spouse or everything changes, you drop everything. You don't answer phone calls, you don't see friends, you do not work. You do like nothing happens. If you're fortunate enough, which I was to to be able to do that and coordinate that. But what we found is it allowed them a chance to reconnect without him having to be the bad guy all of a sudden, right? Like she already knows my rules. She already knew what was expected in the house, what wasn't. But he would be implementing rules that worked six months ago, not rules at work now. And it would allow him to learn through osmosis, watching and seeing what's the new way of being in the house. And we found for us, that worked really, really well because it allowed him to just observe and be, to enjoy. It's like you don't have to be the heavy. You don't have to be the guardian. You just got to enjoy, enjoy, be with her and spend time with her. And like, he's a TV guy, I can't really stand TV. No offense to TV people. It's just not my jam. I'd rather do other things. When he'd be there, they'd watch TV. You didn't see lots of TV in my house when it was me. I mean, there'd be some because, you know. You can't make it none, but there'd be some. But he loves watching TV, so that would be their things that they would do so it really helped their relationship though, because we were very fortunate. She never once shied away from him. Not once. She never once rejected him. She and I think it had something to do with the way we just allowed it to happen, right? It wasn't like, he tried to be the dad right away. He was always her dad, and that never changed. But he didn't have to do dad rules, if that makes sense. Right. And she. I was very blessed. She never really acted out about him leaving except one time and she was about four and a half. I think she might have been four. And I remember her being really upset and just kind of being nasty. And I remember saying to her and I was like, she's a smart girl. And I was like, "Honey, no matter how mean you are to me, your daddy is still not coming home." So, let's talk about how we can how we can make this good for us. Right? "I'm sad. You're sad, but being mean to me is not going to bring your dad back. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter how many fits you throw. Doesn't matter what happens here. He is not coming back. We don't have a choice. But we do have a choice on how much fun we can have." And she never, but I've always been honest with my kids. I always tell them the truth and maybe don't tell them the adult truth. You know, do it in their terms. Now, they're adults, so of course they get adult truth. But back then it was always, you know, I can't bring him back, I can't. This is his job. People need him. We need him, but people need him as well. And we share him with those people. And we're lucky that we have him when we do have him. And they're lucky when they have him, when they have him. And she was able to grasp that really well. But again, every day we would draw a picture for dad when she was little. So I kept him very alive in her world, like it was, that is really, really important. And when I was sad, I didn't hide that from her. It's okay for her to see you sad. It's the truth. "I'm having a bad day. I miss your dad." Yeah, right. I remember she was having a bad day, and she was like being a little monkey. I call them punks. She was being a punk, and I was like, "Mom's going to lose her crap. I need a time out. This is going to go bad.:  You know that feeling? Any parent. I'm sure you can feel this with me. Where the blood goes so far up into your face, you're like, "I'm going to fucking go."

Dawn Taylor

"I might actually kill someone right now."

Jenny Ryce

This might not go well.  I'm like, I need to remove myself to my bedroom. I went to my bedroom, I shut the door and I'll never forget this. Oh my gosh, she was so sweet. I remember her coming to my door and literally we're talking seconds. I got a 32nd time out. Maybe if I was lucky. And she knocks on the door and she puts her little fingers under the door and she, like, wiggles them a little bit and it's like, "Mom, are you okay in there," And I was like, "Yeah, I just needed a timeout." Because of course, in that time frame of our lives, timeouts were how we managed. You know, that's how we manage things. So it's like if I'm giving her a timeout for behaving like that, I'm about to behave away. I don't want to behave because she's I just can't. We all get to a place in our lives where we become reactive by mistake. It's not what we want to do. So I was like, "Oh, I'm going to become like extra reactive here." And I don't know, I'm going to say something I'm regret or, you know, whatever. So I was like, I got to remove myself. But that 30 seconds and then little tap on the door and her little fingers was like, everything's fine. It's good. Right? It gave me enough to reset my brain and reset my nervous system and, yeah. So, my advice, create space and allow your kids to mold into the situation. This is their journey, too. You can't assume they're going to love their mom or dad or their their sister or whoever's been away. They're pissed. Possibly. They're possibly really angry and feel abandoned. Right? So that was part of my strategy. And I know it sounds weird to call it a strategy, but that was my goal was to keep him very alive in her life every single day. We did video recordings, so I would record little video messages. Not that we could send them. We had nothing to watch them on. But when he came home, he had this like little video archive of her chatting and, and so she would draw pictures and we would mail them with my letter that I wrote every day. And yeah, so there's ways to make it okay. And it's okay not to be okay, but don't fake it. Like living it. It sucks, but you got to live in it.

Dawn Taylor

So, let's go to the work piece of it, because you've had a very interesting career over all these years. At what point in all of this did it? I don't know if the right word is safe, but did it feel safe to even have a career or put that focus on yourself? Because I feel like that's also part of the identity, right? Is not like drowning into I'm a military wife and I'm a mom. But like, no, no, no, I want an identity outside of that.

Jenny Ryce

Well, and that's a really good point that you bring that up because that was one of the reasons why we and military, the PMQs were great, right? Because it was easy, convenient. You're in your community and your culture. It's fantastic. But we always, other than for investment purposes, obviously, because there's a whole financial piece attached to that. But we always tried to purchase a home outside of the base so that our girls would have an experience outside of military, if that makes sense, because we wanted them to have more exposure than just the military world, because it's pretty, like it's pretty.

Dawn Taylor

You know, all encompassing.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah. Like our whole life is military, which is fantastic. But we wanted them to have a little bit of a different picture. So fortunately, when I was dating Scott, I was actually going to hairdressing school. So unbeknownst to me, I developed a trade that was transferable, which was great. And I immediately when I went through hairdressing school, got my red seal trade, which meant I could work in every single province. This was before we were even serious about dating, but I was like, "Hm, this guy is my person, I need to be able to work everywhere." So, fortunately I had done that well in advance. But to answer your question, it was very challenging having a career because every time I moved, my skill set came with me, but my clientele base didn't. So, any of you listeners that are listening, if you're in a service business, you can understand how difficult that is to rebuild your business. And we would move on average every five years. So, it was very challenging. My resume got bigger, which was fantastic, and my skill set was bigger. But it didn't matter because when I move into a new town, I was selling myself all over again. Brand new rebuilding again, tapping into my resilience, learning so much about myself. And I think that's one of the reasons it led me down the pathway to education, because education in the beauty industry, I knew I needed more if that made sense. And it was I had to travel to do that work anyway. And by the time we had moved to New Brunswick, Scott was actually supposed to be teaching at the school, was going to be home for five years. And he's like, "Girl, it's your turn. Go see how far you can take this." So yeah, which was really cool. And. the only thing I wish I could have done was not been away as much as I was to do what I had to do. I didn't have to. That's not the right word -  to do what I wanted to do, because it was kind of twofold. It really gave our youngest because of course, I didn't have number two at this point. We're talking nine year gap, right? So number one, got to have a lot of alone time with her dad and really, you know, connect in a way that they wouldn't have had I been home as much. When I say was away a lot, I was probably on the road, you know, 3 or 4 days a week kind of thing. So probably three, three days a week easily. I was on the road and I was working for a haircare company.

Dawn Taylor

But that's really from being home every single day as mostly the solo parent. Yeah, all of a sudden being gone that much?

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, it was wild. Super wild.

Dawn Taylor

What a shift for both of you.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, super wild and I think this is where I learned my skill set on burning myself out and still keep going, because I was never going to not make it okay.

Dawn Taylor

It's like a skill, but really damaging. Not a good one.

Jenny Ryce

No, no. I hope that oozed with sarcasm. Yeah, because I was not going to make it. Not okay in the house when I wasn't there. Like, I wanted to make sure that everybody felt loved, nurtured and cared for even though I was out doing my own thing. So that whole, like, you see those memes of the mom and she's a mom, she's, I mean, if anybody watched the Barbie, that monologue is probably it was written for me in that era. Doing all the things and, you know, and and on top of it, in my career, I was working for a really large haircare company. So I was on the show circuit. I was, you know, oh my gosh, I was on news coverage. I was doing like all kinds of things. So I was not only flying everywhere. I was doing all these like 12, 14 hour days and then come home and work behind the chair and do the mom thing, and the husband and wife thing and, friend thing. And so, yeah, I learned how to, there's some serious toxic, toxic skill sets developed for you.

Dawn Taylor

I always love that. one of my friends and clients said one time she's like "The greatest gift I was ever given was desperation." Like, you could do anything. Forced me to figure it out. And I always laugh at that because I've always said, like, "I wouldn't be who I am if I had not had the insane life I've had." It taught me how to dissociate in weird ways, and it taught me how to disconnect. You had to work too hard, and it taught me how to hustle too hard. And it taught me all these things that, they've been my greatest gifts and skill sets, and at the same time have been my double-edged sword of damage that I've had to balance out over these years. Right?

Jenny Ryce

Gosh. Right. Like I think, you know, I think back to when, you know, saying like, I can do anything. Every single house we moved in, I renovated the kitchen by myself. I am not a plumber. I am not electrician. I am not a carpenter. And I mean, I'm talking like every time, like the whole thing. I wonder what's going to be done next because I was like, I can do it, and I can't wait because I don't know if he won't be home long enough, you know, like, just figure it out. And back then we didn't have the Google Gods. Like, I legitimately had to like that literally, deliberately, even made up vocabulary, to make up vocabulary. You had to go and research it. 

Dawn Taylor

Go to the library and take out books and figure things out.

Jenny Ryce

I had to talk to the guy at the Home Depot and be like, "Okay, so I'm thinking of ripping the ceiling out. Do you have any suggestions?" Oh, every house I owned. You know, the sunlight lights, big ass fluorescent bulbs behind a big wooden box.

Dawn Taylor

Double wooden boxes hung from your ceiling and made your room.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah. That would be phase one of the demo. Oh, came the light. Yeah. So I know that's off topic but it's that kind of stuff right. Like you just you learn to be. You learn to go for it. So, I mean, if I bring it all back, the key that I learned, though, in that time is, again. I can do anything if I really, really want to. So, now I look at things and like, "Do I really want to?" Where I used to say yes to everything to make it okay for everybody, right? People pleasing. I'm a recovering people pleaser. Super proud of it. Um, that would be, you know, part of the stuff that I inherited and learned as a young person in a young marriage, moving and all those kind of things. Those are some of the, you know, the darker sides of it, right? Like, I couldn't let anyone know I wasn't okay.

Dawn Taylor

It's good to be strong for everyone. Yeah, like you mentioned, landmines. You can't be weak.

Jenny Ryce

Oh, I got to be, I got to have my shit together

Dawn Taylor

So let's fast forward. Your husband's now retired?

Jenny Ryce

Yes.

Dawn Taylor

From the military. He was in for 26 years.

Jenny Ryce

25.

Dawn Taylor

He's been home for a while and is doing a civilian job who's about to retire, like retire, retire in the next six months, which I am so excited for him because I know how excited he is.

Jenny Ryce

Me too.

Dawn Taylor

But fast forward all these years, you spent 25 years worrying about your husband on all of his deployments. And now, your two precious baby girls signed up to do the same thing to you.

Jenny Ryce

So I have to say, Dawn, you're gonna laugh because I say to you, it's worrying. I'm fine, it's fine, I'm fine, it's fine. 

Dawn Taylor

You say that all the time. And I laugh at you for it.

Jenny Ryce

Yeah, I'm like, it's fine. And of course, that is again dripping and oozing with sarcasm. My job as a mom is to support my children in their goals, dreams and ambitions despite the trauma it might give me. And they need to live their best life. And if that if that is their pathway and they feel they're going to do it serving. I'm very proud of that. I'm so proud of them. We were at a football game on the weekend and there was 26 of us there, and they asked all serving or pass serving members to stand up for the stadium to honor them. And I'm going to get emotional. These kids and my husband. And it was so cool because he was flanked by them. It was unplanned. And there he is. He's standing there and he's got his daughters on either side and my nephew with them. And I was like, damn, right? Like, damn, that is just like, the fact that they've chosen to put our flag on their back is a huge honor in a commitment to something beyond themselves. So if I have to worry a little bit and I have to keep the lights on and the candle burning, then it's the least I can do right there. Their job is to serve. My job is to fan their wings. And is it easy? Some days it's very challenging, but it's worth it because they don't tell you this part. Though it hurts no matter what they do, because they leave. It's like, so like, you know, they don't tell you. Like, I'm really blessed to have really amazing humans. I love my people. They're such good, kind, fun. We're dorks together. We have so much fun. Like, when when they have boyfriends or friends, they're shocked that how close we all are. They're like, "I never hang out with you." They're like, I've never seen anything like it. What's really cool is they they want that for their families and and, yeah, so we like each other. We actually genuinely like each other even though there's rules like, we're still, we're not the cool parents that are just, you know, fun times, good times. We have rules with boundaries and rules and so yeah, it's challenging. And then, of course, I have a nephew too, who's half-biologically mine because I'm an identical twin. So technically, we do share the same DNA. So, like, weirdly, I've always felt like he's, you know, a part of me too. But, yeah, so the worrying never stops. I just get really good at voicing my concerns and managing it. Yeah. And honestly, they got to live their life. Whatever that looks like. They have to. And I have to. You know, what makes me sad is when I hear people say, like, friends of ours, we were explaining what our youngest is doing as an image technician, and she's like, that is the coolest thing. I can't believe it. I really want to consider that. Like, this is amazing. And so I checked in with her the other day saying like, "Do you have any questions? Do you need any help? Like, are you seriously considering this?" And she's like, "My dad said, I'm not allowed." 1Well. And I'm like, "Don't put your fear on your children. Don't put your limitations on your children. And I don't care if they want to jump out of an airplane, okay? If they want to do stupid stuff like take a bunch of drugs and drive a car. Yeah, you need to, like, hammer the law down. I'm talking like, let them soar. Let them figure it out. They are going to find out what works for them and doesn't work for them." But the pathway to finding that out is who they become. Right? And I was crushed for her. "I was like, you just told this girl she has a glass ceiling. What the heck is wrong with you?" What do you mean? You told her no. What's broken in you that you got to put a boundary on her?

Dawn Taylor

On behalf of everyone I know that get told no all the time. Thank you.

Jenny Ryce

You're so welcome.

Dawn Taylor

I know we've laughed. It's been a it's been a very emotional journey in our office at times. You've worked for me, right? And we were friends prior.

Jenny Ryce

Yes of course, but yeah, like from a work perspective. From a work perspective.

Dawn Taylor

Right, and you know, walking through like the application and getting approved for your youngest and all the updates and the, you know, getting sent to base camp and graduating and first deployment, like, like all of the things, all of the things your daughter's wedding, finding out there, moving like I feel, like, I've been part of in this internal way, all the things as part of this.

Jenny Ryce

You have, girl.

Dawn Taylor

And, you know, we've shed the tears and we've cried and the worries and the sadness and the empty nest and the excitement and. And all of those emotions, and it has just been really, really beautiful to be part of it.

Jenny Ryce

Well, thank you for being a part of it. And that's so beautiful about having really deep, good friendships is you've never once said to me, "Well, didn't you know what you were doing?" Thank you. It's the question.

Dawn Taylor

I've had people say that to me over like, my husband's health. "Yeah, but you knew what you were getting into."

Jenny Ryce

Oh, but did I?

Dawn Taylor

I was 19. No idea what I was getting in at 19.

Jenny Ryce

Nobody's going to tell you what to do anyway, because you're brilliant and you're going to like, you know, you've know everything, don't you? Well, yeah. And we've often, we've often laughed about that. And yeah, you guys will have to listen to the podcast with you together, because recently, someone that we both know asked us separately if you could go back and tell yourself one thing about the other person, what would it be? In both of us said "Run, just run." and without the other person knowing?

Dawn Taylor

That is fabulous. And then we've talked about it after because I was like, I gave the worst response and it was one of my husband's employees, which was the funniest part. And I was like, but really? No, it's been amazing. Like it's we've fought through it and it's been phenomenal. But like, man, I would not wish that on any one of all the health stuff. But for either of us and the kids said that was what was interesting is like I said that on behalf of like myself being like, protect him from all the chaos he's going to have to deal with also protect myself, right? But yeah, like you've lived it. You've come out the other side of it, you're living it again and you still just support them. And I think that that's a really beautiful thing. Jenny, just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much for allowing us to talk about this today and dig into this. And especially some of the strategies you used on how to keep that parent alive. I can imagine, even for parents that are gone for a week at a time or two weeks at a time, some of those strategies, some of those tools that you used would be so powerful. And allow those kids to love their parents in a different way when they come back.

Jenny Ryce

Well, it's my pleasure and I just want to leave with one thought. It doesn't matter if your person is gone for a day or six months, it still hurts. And people used to, say, well you know. Oh, but you've got so - and I'm like, it's still hurts. I miss him just as much. If he's gone for a day as if he's gone for six months. So don't devalue what you're going through because somebody else is going through something greater. And don't devalue what they're going through because you think yours is. Everybody's going through it their own way and just show support and love to each other. Right? It's compassion. Grace and compassion. Super important. Thank you, Dawn, for letting me share my story.

Dawn Taylor

You're welcome. I think I've always been curious, right. I've always been very curious what it was like and how long are deployments and what did you do to survive that and what does that look like?

Jenny Ryce

So, Ben and Jerry's ice cream and Survivor, when he went away. Seriously, it was the first time it ever came out. So I would have a girl friend over every week, and we would eat half a pint of Ben Jerry's ice cream, watch Survivor in order. Pizza like that was our, that was what we did.

Dawn Taylor

That is so amazing. I could tell that more. Girl, you and I need a Ben and Jerry's date soon.

Jenny Ryce

I know! We do!

Dawn Taylor

We do. All right. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone listening today and for hanging out with us. I hope that, if nothing else, you learn something from this. You took something from this. You understand someone in your world a bit different, or you could support them in a different way. Join us again in two weeks for another fabulous topic. And please tell your friends. The more people that feel understood, seen, heard, whatever it is, the more people that are just, I think opening up their eyes to different things, different life, different experiences, the better. Check out the show notes located at the Taylor Way.ca for more information and for all the contact information for today's guests. Because she's pretty dang fabulous and you should check out all her stuff and subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. And if you love the show, please, please leave a rating and review. Talk to you guys soon!