Skiing Even If I Believed it Would Kill Me
I woke up early. I ran to the bathroom. I laughed as I realized I was having nervous poops. Yes. I just wrote that here. It was Christmas Day 2025 and I was about to drive to Sunshine Village Mountain and ski. YAY you think. What a fun way to spend your day. But man alive was I scared.
Let’s back up a sec. In high school I was an avid skier. I spent HOURS on those hills and loved the hardest runs on the hill. Just before my 18th birthday I had a brain aneurysm and everything in life ground to a halt. You may have heard me talk about the fact that I was not supposed to survive this long. There was a 50% chance that I would die in 10 years and no one makes 20 years and so I settle in to just try to survive. The part I never talk about though was the fact that I was also not allowed to do anything that would cause pressure (had to stop playing french horn, loud music, even flying was scary) could cause me to fall ( good bye to all sports!!) and my body size had doubled in a few month so I was a bobble head doll that didn’t even have winter gear that fit me. It was devastating and in the typical fashion of an 18 year old I really wanted to say screw you to the doctors and do it all anyways but from fear and pain convinced myself it would all kill me if I did it. That’s right. Skiing would kill me. Skiing meant death. Don’t ski.
Last year I realized that I have now made it to year 27 and am still HEALTHY alive so what if I tried these things again!!!! And so I have. I have done ALL the things and had fun but I have never skied. I made it my goal almost 2 years ago that I would ski on a big mountain by end of this year. And to ski at Christmas was even more important!
We got to the hill and I kinda panicked a little. Yes I held it together for the niece and nephew and family that were with me but sit in my shoes for a second. This is what I fully believed would kill me. Dead. Done. Finished. YES I had done a few runs the week before but not on an actual mountain.
Here’s why I am telling you this. I refuse to die pathetic. I don’t want to stop living. I don’t want to not have new memories or to stop pushing myself. I refuse to let my fears stop me from living. I refuse to let some crazy idea in my head stop me from moving forward in life. I refuse to believe all the thoughts in my head!!! I am a skeptical human on a good day and I realized that even my thoughts could be wrong or garbage or lying to me. YES out of a need to protect me but still. So I challenged them all that day.
11 runs in 6 hours. I did 11 runs in 6 hours and thought I was going to collapse but I DID IT!!!!!! I may have cried at one point standing part way down a run realizing what I was doing. I may have spent more time than I should stopping to catch my breath not from being out of shape but from being on a stunning mountain. It was an amazing day. And I was so proud of myself I could have burst.
What made this happen?
- Pure sheer stubbornness to believe I could do the hard things
- The silly playlist called Ski Lady Ski that I listened to over the last 2 years as I worked out (thank you @pivotyourwellness!!!! https://www.pivotyourwellness.com)
- Working out to make my body stronger so that I could do this
- Finding people along the way to cheer me on. There have been many. You know who you are
- Committing to people and clients that I was going to do this and following through
You can do the hard things
You can plan a long term goal and crush it
You can live life……
All so you don’t die pathetic.
