How to Avoid Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage. We all do it—and we’re all really good at it. But what causes us to do it? What are some of the ways we can stop it? It’s a strange thing we do, when we have ideas and expectations in our heads of how life is supposed to be and how it’s supposed to turn out; and when they don’t happen, we get caught up in a place of not believing we’re worthy anymore. It makes for a rough life.
We think this year, we’re going to straighten all our relationships and get our finances in order and our businesses are going to be outstanding, and, and, and… Then when some or all these things don’t fall into place, we start thinking, “Of course, this is happening because this is just how my life goes. ” We get caught in these thinking patterns and suddenly we find ourselves self-sabotaging. This can happen in really small ways like not getting up in the morning, not reaching out to people, not making necessary phone calls or answering emails. One of the biggest reasons for doing so is that we are scared to pivot.
We are so scared of change in our lives because we’ve attached our worth to it. We’ve attached our worth to our relationships, our businesses, our financial status, and so on. That was our identity. That’s what we were doing. We told everyone we were going to do all these things and they didn’t happen. And then we beat ourselves up over it. That’s when self-sabotaging roars its ugly head.
What if we took our worth off our businesses and relationships and started realizing, “What if I’m just worthy—without all those things? What if these things did not rule my life as much as I let them? How do I pivot?” Have you totally released it? Have you considered that instead of feeling like you failed, you have an opportunity for a shift? Imagine you have ingredients sitting on your counter and your original plan was to make lasagna; except that you don’t have lasagna noodles. What are you going to do? Well, you could make a great pasta sauce. You could make spaghetti or chili or anything you want. The options are plenty. Just because you didn’t get the lasagna noodles doesn’t mean that you failed.
So when you start to feel like a failure, you need to stop and acknowledge your feelings, and ask yourself what has to happen in order not to feel that way. You must face those feelings head-on. Look at them and tell yourself you are not willing to go there and feel that. And when you can face that and come up with some rules for yourself, you become not scared of failure. You enable yourself to try a new direction again and again until you get it right. It gets you out of your rut and out of thinking about how things were supposed to be. Think about the feelings that you would do anything to avoid and the areas of self-sabotage in your life. What are the feelings attached to those? What are the feelings that you're avoiding? What are you scared of? Do you think you’re not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not kind enough? Here’s the truth: stop thinking “not enough.” Your worth is not a unit of measurement. You will not find it on a conversion chart. You cannot buy it, you cannot sell; it is not a publicly traded commodity. It is not a thing. Your worth is not tied to your business. It's not tied to the money in your bank account. It's not tied to your house. It's not tied to your relationship. It's not tied to your looks. It isn't tied to any of that. Set a new standard for your life. Step up and go. One step at a time.
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