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How to Avoid Self-Sabotage

The Taylor Way • Sep 23, 2022

Self-sabotage. We all do it—and we’re all really good at it. But what causes us to do it? What are some of the ways we can stop it? It’s a strange thing we do, when we have ideas and expectations in our heads of how life is supposed to be and how it’s supposed to turn out; and when they don’t happen, we get caught up in a place of not believing we’re worthy anymore. It makes for a rough life.

We think this year, we’re going to straighten all our relationships and get our finances in order and our businesses are going to be outstanding, and, and, and… Then when some or all these things don’t fall into place, we start thinking, “Of course, this is happening because this is just how my life goes. ” We get caught in these thinking patterns and suddenly we find ourselves self-sabotaging. This can happen in really small ways like not getting up in the morning, not reaching out to people, not making necessary phone calls or answering emails. One of the biggest reasons for doing so is that we are scared to pivot.

We are so scared of change in our lives because we’ve attached our worth to it. We’ve attached our worth to our relationships, our businesses, our financial status, and so on. That was our identity. That’s what we were doing. We told everyone we were going to do all these things and they didn’t happen. And then we beat ourselves up over it. That’s when self-sabotaging roars its ugly head.

What if we took our worth off our businesses and relationships and started realizing, “What if I’m just worthy—without all those things? What if these things did not rule my life as much as I let them? How do I pivot?” Have you totally released it? Have you considered that instead of feeling like you failed, you have an opportunity for a shift? Imagine you have ingredients sitting on your counter and your original plan was to make lasagna; except that you don’t have lasagna noodles. What are you going to do? Well, you could make a great pasta sauce. You could make spaghetti or chili or anything you want. The options are plenty. Just because you didn’t get the lasagna noodles doesn’t mean that you failed.

So when you start to feel like a failure, you need to stop and acknowledge your feelings, and ask yourself what has to happen in order not to feel that way. You must face those feelings head-on. Look at them and tell yourself you are not willing to go there and feel that. And when you can face that and come up with some rules for yourself, you become not scared of failure. You enable yourself to try a new direction again and again until you get it right. It gets you out of your rut and out of thinking about how things were supposed to be. Think about the feelings that you would do anything to avoid and the areas of self-sabotage in your life. What are the feelings attached to those? What are the feelings that you're avoiding? What are you scared of? Do you think you’re not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not kind enough? Here’s the truth: stop thinking “not enough.” Your worth is not a unit of measurement. You will not find it on a conversion chart. You cannot buy it, you cannot sell; it is not a publicly traded commodity. It is not a thing. Your worth is not tied to your business. It's not tied to the money in your bank account. It's not tied to your house. It's not tied to your relationship. It's not tied to your looks. It isn't tied to any of that. Set a new standard for your life. Step up and go. One step at a time.

#avoidsabotage #lifecoach #thetaylorway #motivation #asskicker #hopegiver

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By Dawn Taylor 01 Jan, 2024
I miss her. But not her. My mom and I had a HARD relationship for the majority of our time together. When she passed away unexpectedly in 2008 I grieved and I grieved hard but there was a lot of anger and hurt mixed in with sadness. There would be no closure. I wouldn't get the answers I needed and wanted. I would never be able to have that last fight I wanted to have!!! The funny thing? Life and business are no different. One thing I have come to understand is life is unpredictable. Health issues shifted things, moving shifted things, family shifted things and life, in general, has been the biggest shift creator of all. So what do I do to manage all of the change that occurs, I make sure to grieve the possibilities. Because we attach meaning to things, we attach stories to things not only in the present but in the future! We plan, we execute and already have a vision in our head of how it MAY turn out and when it does we are ecstatic but what about when it doesn't…we need to grieve. Every day I talk to business owners and friends who are having to change something in their business or lives. Either a relationship, where they live, their spending, or the entire focus of their business and the hardest part is letting go of what we believe should have been. I challenge you this year, to start to release the "you" from your business. Your business is not you. You are not your business. Your worth is not determined by it and therefore the outcome. Our business should not destroy us or make us!! If you this makes you uncomfortable, I recommend you take a deeper look into your business/personal relationship and start the process of letting go. Find things outside of them to fulfill you. To make you feel whole. Grieve what could have been. Cry, scream, stomp your feet and then let time heal the bruises. But don't allow that dream to hold you hostage in your future and be unable to move forward. Dawn Taylor
By Dawn Taylor 01 Dec, 2023
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While I truly believed I would be gone by now there is so much more to life and future dreams are slowly starting Who are the new folks who joined my journey, leaving their mark on my life? ● Business : New marketing company, new website building team, 2 new team members in-house and so many collaborators and business friends!! ● Personal : Some amazing new mentors and friends all around the globe. I have started connecting in a different way with people this year In the daily tug-of-war, which challenge really tested my mettle? ● Business : My health! (I am fine!! Just a thyroid disease) It has slowed me down more than I had hoped ● Personal : My capacity is also based on the above! It has caused some struggles with friendships this year. That has been hard When did I feel a wave of sadness wash over me? ● Business : An unmet goal that was MANY years in the making. Time to shift… ● Personal : Watching my nieces and nephews grow. I have been grieving what was but also really working on what can be in these relationships moving forward. This has brought sadness but also excitement What battles did I reluctantly let go of? ● Business : See the project above! And social media…. I am calmly doing it now with no expectations ● Personal : Realizing that there is no way to push through the thyroid stuff . No amount of IVs or supplements will magically heal it. I need the downtime Where did I stumble upon valuable knowledge? ● Business : Masterminds that I have been going to, relationships outside of my normal networking ● Personal : Long road trips by myself!! No music, no podcasts, no phone calls. Just time alone with my thoughts What cool places did I explore? ● Business: Group coaching!! Masterminds with other business owners ● Personal : I finally lived in New York!!! I have dreamt for years of doing that and I had the opportunity this year to do that for 3 weeks. It was magical. I want to do it again. What new skills did I acquire? ● Business : SO many tech things!!! But also more trauma training, grief training and more. I love learning! ● Personal : Gardening! I learned a few new things. I also have had an amazing year of using my new smoker and learning how much I adore brisket…. How did I spend my time, and did it align with what truly mattered to me? ● Business : It did!! I can proudly say that this year ● Personal : 50%. I watched WAY too much Netflix and napping this year. While some of it was needed I also did not have one fire in my backyard, I did not spend enough time with friends this year. I have some changes to make next year!! Did I take good care of my body and mind? ● Business : YES! I love growth and this was a good year for it. ● Personal : Again 50%. I did amazing in so many ways but will shift a few things for next year What did I keep procrastinating on? ● Business : Writing my next book…… ● Personal : Painting some spots in my house Literal spots. The size of a dime. I really should do it. I also left a drawer with spilled coconut oil in it for almost a year before I cleaned it up! I just dealt with the chaos of it Did fear hold me back from anything? ● Business : Launching the group coaching earlier in the year. I don’t know why I was so scared! ● Personal : Saying no and walking away from some toxic relationships. They are gone now but it took WAY too long Did I manage to conquer any of my fears? ● Business : I launched the hard things!!! I made some massive shifts in my business this year and it has been so scary but I am so proud of it ● Personal : I did!! I am no longer living in the space of being scared of “d” day. I am no longer scared to die When did self-doubt creep in? ● Business : Launching programs and meeting new people ● Personal : I struggled this year with trusting my body. Will it get sick again if I do something cool? Will it crash? I have been working through this Did I love my job? ● Business : YES!!! 100% yes. ● Personal : See above When did I feel most alive? ● Business : Travelling to see clients and to network ● Personal : Spending more time with my husband with his job shift! What doors did I close, what stories did I finish, and what people did I say goodbye to? ● Business : Big dreams from the past and acknowledging that I don’t have the capacity anymore to do ALL the things I have wanted to do!! This is not a bad shift but a massive shift ● Personal : Grieving our dog, toxic relationships I allowed to go on for too long Which new door did I open? ● Business : New networking, new programs, new staff. It has been a big year!! ● Personal : New friendships and more travel Did I kick bad habits and embrace good ones? ● Business : Laziness!! I have struggled to DO the work on my business this last year and I got that under control this year ● Personal : Cooking! I have embraced not cooking as often but cooking a larger meal each time What doors closed, which fears were conquered, and what valuable lessons await your reflection? ...
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